With help from friends, family and God, a woman turns away from
alcohol
”
Why do you always have to drink?
”
her daughter asked.
They are words a mother never wants to hear from a child, but
words the then-37- year-old Hollister resident Shauna Hoggard
desperately needed. The truth from the mouth of her 9-year-old
daughter struck a chord.
With help from friends, family and God, a woman turns away from alcohol
“Why do you always have to drink?” her daughter asked.
They are words a mother never wants to hear from a child, but words the then-37- year-old Hollister resident Shauna Hoggard desperately needed. The truth from the mouth of her 9-year-old daughter struck a chord.
Angered and under the influence, she followed her daughter to her room. As one angry word led to another, Hoggard had had it. With one move of the wrist she let her inhibitions fly and her hand struck the face of her first born child.. This was, as she called it “a speak to me moment” – this was her wake up call.
Raised by alcoholics, Hoggard never imagined 26 years later she would be so much like her parents. Shauna Hoggard was an alcoholic.
As a child, Hoggard hated when her parents would drink. “My parents were really big alcoholics,” said Hoggard, who has long blond hair and a few lines on her face.. “At an early age, I had to take care of them and my younger brother.”
Though Hoggard was resentful that her parents were heavy drinkers, she still enjoyed the “perks.” As a teenager, her parents would buy kegs for her friends to have parties. She remembers pretending that it was cool. But after nights of carrying her mom up to bed because her mother was too intoxicated to do it herself, she longed for something different, something normal, she said.
Hoggard’s own addiction started at the age of 11. While most kids her age where just moving on from Barbie dolls and playing house, Hoggard and some of her friends were experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Her times in junior high were “experimental,” she said.
“When you were with your friends, you think you are so cool because you just drank two beers and got away with it,” Hoggard recalled. “High school was the party phase and then in my twenties it became a full-blown addiction.”
It was no longer just about having fun.
“In the beginning it was a social thing and then towards the end it became both a social thing and a private thing, but mostly I would drink by myself,” she said.
Daily Routine
Hoggard’s day often started the same as many moms. She would wake up, get the kids ready for school and drop them off. This is an average day in the life of many moms across America and for Hoggard it was the start of a daily habit. But from there, the differences started. If the house needed cleaning, she would drink a little for energy. She would use it as a little boost for the work ahead and hours later the dishes would still be in the sink, floor unswept and carpet untouched. This became the almost daily habit for Hoggard.
“In the morning I would start off [drinking] at 2 a.m. and if I woke up in the morning with a hangover it would [start] at 10 a.m. or 11 a.m.”
It helped her not feel as bad, she said.
“The days I would work, I wouldn’t drink. The days that I was off, I would. I was a functional alcoholic,” she said. “I was repeating the same cycle.”
Still as years went on she found herself returning to the bottle as her form of comfort.
“Towards the end it got scary. I was blacking out a lot more,” she said. “I wasn’t remembering what I said or did the night before.”
Still at the surface Hoggard saw her use as nothing more than casual.
“I never thought of myself as [an alcoholic] ’cause I went to work and I didn’t drink the days that I went to work,” she said. “I [thought] I could control it.”
Still deep down inside there were warning signs that indicated to Hoggard that she was anything but in control of her alcohol.
“I couldn’t just have one drink” she said.”There are times in the back of my mind [where I thought] I am becoming more like my parents with the alcohol.”
“Being in alcoholism is like being in your own prison,” she said “I would drink by myself for no reason.”
Road to Recovery
It was on the night that Hoggard slapped her daughter that she realized she was repeating the cycle of addiction. It was on that night she hit bottom.
“After that night I checked into a recovery facility in San Jose,” Hoggard said.
Alcohol abuse is an issue for millions of people nationwide and one doesn’t have to look far to see the effect it has on families every year. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2004 data, about 50 percent of people drink on a regular basis and the single greatest cause for driving fatalities is alcohol, which is responsible for 50 percent of all driving deaths.
While at the recovery center, Hoggard received counseling and a recommendation for a continued support group in Hollister at Celebrate Recovery, a 12-step Biblical approach to recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous. Hoggard has gone through the steps of recovery and has completely turned her life around.
Now nearly two years later, Hoggard is optimistic. Her life is no longer filled with alcohol but hope. Her smile is kind with a sincerity that is not seen in most people now adays and her face glows with an appreciation for the everyday. Connected and in control, Hoggard is involved in a local recovery program, getting support and living an alcohol-free testimony. She attends Celebrate recovery weekly and is involved with her local church, Hillside Christian Fellowship.
“It’s so awesome not to drink, to wake up another day and not have a hang over, not to have all the anger,” she said.
This Nov. 26 will mark her second year of being alcohol free. One thing that helps Hoggard stay away from alcohol each day is her faith in God and surrounding herself with good people.
“There is help out there and there is hope,” she said. “For me I truly had to be ready, and truly surrendered, to lay it all down. If not for yourself, look at your children or your family. I look at my children as a gift from God.”
Ben Bannister is an intern at the Weekend Pinnacle. He is a Hollister native and is currently studying Communications and Journalism at Seattle Pacific University.
A common bond
Alcholism has some shared signs
As with many alcoholics or drug addicts, Shauna Hoggard now recognizes many of the signs listed by medical profressionals in her past behavoirs.
For Hoggard, almost all of the signs were there during her 20-plus years of drinking. She drove while intoxicated and she had health-related problems due to her drinking.
“Towards the end, it got scary,” she said. “I was blacking out a lot more.”
She admitted that those close to her got hurt because of her problems.
“It hurts you, your children and your family,” she said. “Nobody saw the ugly Shauna. The only person that got hurt was my husband. I would yell at him and hit him.”
Kaiser Permanente listed these as some of the signs of alcohol abuse:
– You have problems at work or school such as tardiness, absenteeism, increased injuries, and decreased performance related to alcohol use.
– You drink in dangerous situations, such as before or while driving a car.
– You have blackouts-this means that after a drinking episode, when you are sober again, you cannot remember what happened while you were drinking.
– You have legal problems because of your drinking, such as being arrested for driving or for physically harming someone while intoxicated.
– You get hurt or hurt someone else when you are drinking.
– You continue to drink despite health problems that are caused or made worse by alcohol use, such as a peptic ulcer.
– Your friends or family are worried about your drinking.
The following are signs of alcohol dependence:
– You crave alcohol and are not able to control your drinking, even when you want to.
– You have withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, sweating, or anxiety when you cut back or stop drinking.
– You must drink more alcohol to feel the same effects.
– In spite of the signs, you think you don’t have a problem.
– Friends or family members are worried about your drinking.
– You have physical signs of alcohol dependence, such as blackouts.
– You hide your drinking or hide how much you drink.
– You are not comfortable in situations where alcohol is not served.
Available Resources
For people or families suffering from alcohol or drug abuse, there are resources available in San Benito County.
Celebrate Recovery
281 San Felipe St., 630-0800
Christ-centered 12 step recovery program, Wednesdays 7-9 p.m.
Alcoholics Anonymous, various locations.
For more information, on the 12-step recovery program call 636-7461 or visit www.aasalinas.org.
San Benito County Mental Health Department, 636-4020
Offers counseling, drug assessment and referrals to other programs.
