Local Police Chief Sure Knows How to Throw a Party
Editor,
Local Police Chief Sure Knows How to Throw a Party
I have to congratulate Chief Miller of the HPD (Horse biProduct Department) for the lovely “Welcome to Hollister, Put Your Hands Above Your Head” party he threw this weekend. I don’t think I have ever seen such a large contingent of temporary staff as he had on hand to welcome the hoards of tourists coming to town.
The first day of the party had hardly started when my office partner, Roseanne, was personally greeted by agents of the ABC (Alcoholic Bunch of Cops). One of the agents was so pleased to see her videotaping them, as they stood around gaily greeting tourists on the street corner, that he personally asked her for her name. Roseanne, being a married woman (her husband is a cop) politely declined to give it to him. Obviously the agent was so distraught when she rebuffed his advances that he tried to win her over with a matching set of silver bracelets.
You should have seen the proud 6’2″ mass of cop, parading her 5’2″, “don’t step in the fan or you’ll blow away” frame down the street to the Briggs Building where Chief Miller’s boys were waiting to arrest her for Resisting An Officer’s Advances, and Bumping Into a Cop As You Are Trying to Leave Because They Told You That You’re Not Under Arrest. And that was just day one.
I was personally welcomed to the party just the next day. Turns out that one of the more comely officers of the DOJ (Denial Of Justice) saw me walking down the street, when a large bulge in my pants attracted his attention. He tapped me on the shoulder coyly, and asked me to give him my name.
Well, my mother told me never to talk to strangers, and I haven’t met anyone quite as strange as officer Ichipajama (I think that was his name), so I didn’t give him my name. Actually, I didn’t listen to Mom’s advice and I asked him why he was so interested in my name. Turns out that him and his DOJ buddies were upset because I was on the same side of the street as them, twice. Somehow they got the idea I was following them. What an ego.
Anyway, when I passed their group lounging in the shade of a tree at the corner of San Benito and Seventh streets, the portly one saw the camera in my back pocket (the aforementioned bulge) and figured that I must be out to bag DOJ agents out of season. Really! He told me that he thought my bulge looked like a gun. Oh my. I thought it was me. What an Ego.
Well, he must have thought I was pretty suspicious and he got upset just like Roseanne’s friend and he asked me to lock my fingers behind my head while he felt my bulge. Oops, he found my I.D. and my Bar Card (State Bar, not Johnny’s) there with my camera and suddenly got a whole lot nicer. He even complimented me on my on my license photo.
Well, when he found out that I was just a regular guy (straight, no chaser) he wished me a pleasant day and wandered off with his buddies, presumably to welcome more tourists to town.
Yes, Chief Miller, you really know how to throw a party. Maybe you could get a job at the Chamber of Commerce. Now there’s a bunch that knows how to throw a party, and they don’t need to hire out-of-town help to get the job done.
George A. Barton
Hollister
Take the Town Back from Beer-Bellied Bikers
Editor,
Thank your law enforcement! Let’s focus on something that makes our town proud, not a bunch of beer-bellied bikers. I shop here, I live here, and I pay taxes here. I want our town back, for people to say we were put on the map by the bikers is an embarrassment. Thank you to the council members who voted to cancel the event. Also, for our mayor, to welcome this group is a wonder.
John Lemos,
via e-mail
Patriots Excel in Ways Other Than Promoting Products or Agendas
Editor,
Recently, the word “patriotism” has been exalted, either to sell products, promote a political agenda or as a genuine emotion of pride toward this nation. Is pride of one’s nation equivalent to blind allegiance to the policies of a political party or government officials? Or, can a tradition of resistance to oppressive laws and critical opposition to bad policies be another way of demonstrating pride for one’s nation?
The “Patriot Act” reverses our civil rights and undermines the U.S. Constitution. Most conservative politicians have constructed a perspective on patriotism that assails immigrants, makes flag burning a criminal act, bans gay and lesbian marriage, and creates laws that allow law enforcement agencies to spy on people who may be vocal critics of White House and congressional policies. This politically repressive focus restricts our rights and does not expand them, and violates the intent of the U.S. Constitution, the Amendments and Civil Rights laws.
I am proud of Abolitionists, who opposed unjust slavery laws; Mexican Americans who fought to defend themselves from repressive laws and systematic violence after the annexation of northern Mexico; Native Americans who resisted being confined to reservations; civil rights activists who march for equality and human dignity for all people; women who have fought for voting rights, the Equal Rights Amendment and freedom of reproductive choice; gay and lesbian rights activists who have struggled relentlessly for their human rights; labor activists who struggle for better workplaces; and, peace activists who oppose unjust wars and imperialist aggression.
Joe Navarro,
Hollister
Citizens Should Have a Voice in Rally Decision
Editor,
Now that the Unofficial Biker Rally has officially ended I’d like to express my disappointment with the City of Hollister. Chief Miller and Sheriff Hill and three City Council members pushed for the cancellation of the Rally because of unpaid expenses from 2005 for police, and an inability to guarantee people’s safety. They sure provided a police presence this year. On Friday, there were more cops than bikers. There were 12 mounted policemen from Merced, bicycle cops, CHP helicopter, two Dept. of Justice units of 14 officers each, officers from Santa Clara, Fresno and Merced, and other surrounding areas. I don’t know the number of incidents recorded, but I do know that there were zero injuries related to the Rally, brought to the Emergency Room on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The State Police handed out more that 1,000 tickets, some seemingly discriminatory. A local man was making a delivery and parked on a red curb. He got a citation, yet the CHP park their motorcycles on the red curb without incident. Local bicycle cops were riding down the sidewalk and issued a ticket to a cyclist riding on the sidewalk. I am not making this up! I have photos! Mounted cops led their horses down the sidewalks full of people. Where did they want these visitors to go? To top things off, a City Councilman, who voted AGAINST the Rally, was selling tri-tip for the Rotary. Mr. Emerson didn’t see a conflict of interest I guess.
The bikers and visitors I spoke with were very positive and happy to be here and spend money. It’s too bad the City did not reciprocate. The large sign on 4th and San Benito was a great welcome: “parking laws enforced.” That’s really fair, seeing that the rules aren’t enforced any other weekend.
Now that the City has proven that safety can be provided, they need to figure out how to make the Rally profitable. If there continues to be no support from the City, the citizens should take the issue to a vote. I believe more than 60 percent favor the Rally. We should have a voice in the decision.
Rebecca Jones
Hollister
Boozefighter Says Thanks to the People of Hollister Who Welcomed Him
Editor,
While the city was busy shooting itself in the foot, we were having the time of our lives enjoying our birthplace. As a member of the Boozefighters I was able to enjoy the people of Hollister and their fine city. Heck I love it so much I even got married there. On behalf of the Boozefighters Motorcycle Club I would like to thank the citizens and proprietors of Hollister for the great amount of love and support that I know I felt during my stay this past annual gathering.
Anthony “Loktite” Klotz BFMC
via e-mail
