Friday nights for most 21-year olds typically mean hanging out
with friends, dinner, dancing, doing their best to enjoy life.
Hollister – Friday nights for most 21-year olds typically mean hanging out with friends, dinner, dancing, doing their best to enjoy life.
Fridays for Kaleena Scargill, 21, revolve around diapers, SpongeBob Squarepants videos and early bedtimes. Life is hard, but for the single mother of a 21-month old son, Auden, it is truly enjoyable.
“He is such a good-natured baby, really sweet,” Scargill said. “He is so happy every day; I love it. He keeps me happy.”
Scargill had just graduated from San Benito High School and was thinking about her college career when she found out she was pregnant. Although having a baby at 19 hadn’t been part of the plan, Scargill and her boyfriend were thrilled at the idea of becoming parents.
“It (being pregnant) was a big shock to my family,” she said. “But I was really excited. We did everything we could to get ourselves ready. We took classes and everything. And when Auden was born, he was so sweet. He looked like a little Eskimo. At first, I didn’t know what to do. But with (her boyfriend) at work all day, we really bonded.”
A few months after Auden was born, Scargill and her boyfriend split up, and the difficulties of being a single mom quickly became apparent.
“When we separated, it was really hard,” she said. “I had to go from having a second person there to help me to being alone. Little things like going to the store to buy diapers were really challenging.”
At first, Scargill says she was overwhelmed by the responsibilities of single motherhood.
“I didn’t want to be a single mom. I hated it,” she said. “I never imagined I would be by myself. I always pictured myself married and then having kids, with everything perfect and hunky-dory. When we separated, I thought I’d be okay. I didn’t realize how hard things would be. But my parents are the type to say ‘you have to take care of things by yourself.’ So I did. I would take the baby to the doctor’s by myself; go to the store, all the little things.”
Today, Scargill and Auden live with a friend in Hollister; Auden stays with his paternal grandmother during the day while Scargill works. She currently works as a special education instructional aide for the Hollister School District, a job that allows her more time at home with her son, but doesn’t always provide enough of a paycheck.
“I have to work because I have to keep a roof over mine and Auden’s heads, but there are times when I am short on rent or groceries or whatever,” she says. “That’s when it’s scary.”
Having a daily routine makes things easier, Scargill says. A typical work day begins with Auden waking up around 5 or 6am, climbing out of his bed and into his mom’s, where they’ll lay together for another hour or so. Auden eats breakfast and watches SpongeBob while Scargill gets ready for work; she drops him off at his grandmother’s house a little after 9am. Scargill works until 3pm, and once she is off, heads right over to pick up her son.
“Auden is usually playing outside when I get there, and when I pull up the driveway, he’ll squeal and start running,” she says. “When I get to him, I pick him up, and we give hugs and kisses. It makes the whole day worth it.”
After they leave, the pair run “any little errands we may have” and then head home. “Night time is really nice; it’s our calm time,” she says. “We play games, cook dinner. I think having a routine is really good for Auden, so every night before he goes to sleep, we sing ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ together. We’ve been doing this song for three months now, and he’s just starting to get into the hand movements. It’s so much fun.”
Weekends are also mom and son time. Scargill says she tries to get out of town as much as possible, whether it’s just to a park or to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. While her friends are out at barbecues and parties, Scargill spends her weekends changing diapers.
“On Friday nights, most 21-year olds are out dancing or whatever,” she says. “My roommate is out at a barbecue right now. But there was never any question about whether I was going. I know exactly where I’m going to be. I’m going to be home, fixing dinner for Auden.”
After Auden goes to bed, Scargill finds herself making plans for the future, most of which include finishing school, she says.
“I’ve been thinking about college, because I really want to finish so I can get a good job and take care of me and Auden,” she says. “I’ve been taking classes at Gavilan College, but I can only take one class a semester, so it is taking me a long time. And now they want me to transfer because it’s been three years, but I don’t know what to do. I might have to get a second job. But I can’t quit work to go to school full-time. Sometimes I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Things are just moving at a really slow pace.”
Although her life has changed drastically during the last three years, Scargill tries to keep a positive outlook.
“I was really happy when I got pregnant. I had really high expectations,” she said. “I still do, but it’s just happening differently. Things can really stress you out. It can be hard to think when you have a 1-1/2-year-old who’s having a temper tantrum hanging on your leg. But if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, it can affect the way you parent. So I don’t. Auden is such a happy, sweet baby. His smile makes everything worth it.”
Laurie Castaneda writes Local Stories – featuring people who love living in San Benito County – for the Free Lance every Wednesday.
