Being fresh out of college and braving the
”
real rat race,
”
as I like to call it, for the first time, I’ve found myself
falling into a morning routine that I didn’t expect to fall
into.
Every morning right around the time when my alarm clock
screeches me awake, I begin my daily quest for the perfect
get-rich-quick scheme that will take me out of the race and place
me blissfully on easy street.
Being fresh out of college and braving the “real rat race,” as I like to call it, for the first time, I’ve found myself falling into a morning routine that I didn’t expect to fall into.
Every morning right around the time when my alarm clock screeches me awake, I begin my daily quest for the perfect get-rich-quick scheme that will take me out of the race and place me blissfully on easy street.
I recently heard someone say if they won the lottery they wouldn’t quit their job because they love their work so much.
Bull.
Work is a four letter word for a reason and that reason is because it’s hard, it’s tiring, and not to be redundant but just to drive home my point, it’s hard work.
After watching my Grandma play the lottery faithfully (never victoriously, unfortunately) for as long as I can remember, I have little hope that the lotto gods would ever smile my way.
Before we go any further, one quick fact: you have a better chance of being hit by lightening than winning the lottery. I haven’t told Grams this and I figure as long as she spends her days inside the senior citizens center playing Bingo she’s safe.
So instead I’ve come up with some ingenious schemes that Tom Cruise’s character in the movie “Cocktail” would term “Flugerbinder theories.”
My first Flugerbinder would be a cigarette lighter that has a compartment for cigarettes built in.
When I worked at a bar, people were always coming up to me asking for a lighter to light their cigarettes. So why not carry around a lighter that already has cigarettes in it – like a Pez dispenser.
Instead of having to carry around a pack of smokes and a lighter, it would all be in one handy device. The lighter would be hollowed out with a trap door on the bottom, so when you clicked a button a cigarette popped out of the shoot like candy.
Granted, you wouldn’t be able to put an entire pack of cigarettes in it, but maybe that would help people cut back on their smoking. I could market it towards the health conscious smoker with a slogan like, “Cancer’s a bitch – moderate your smoking with the new Lightarette.”
If that Flugerbinder didn’t pan out, I’d work on helping out the citizens of San Benito County by coming up with an invention to clean up the water here.
Is it just mine, or does every household basically have fat free milk on tap – because that’s what the water looks like when it comes out of the faucet.
I’ve had to start figuring in gallons and gallons of bottled water into my monthly budget because I’m too afraid to even make coffee with what ever it is that flows through the pipes here.
My invention would be a giant water filtering device that would magically clean up all of Hollister’s water supply and we’d never have to pay for drinkable water again.
So these are the things I think about during my day (especially when I’m in the shower and I’m praying the water doesn’t turn my hair a new color), and the things that could make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Of course, one day when I do come up with the perfect get-rich-quick scheme, I most definitely will not quit my job and become a professional shopper, because of my undying love for what I do.
Uh huh.
