A Hollister family becomes whole, with a little help from the
Kinship Center
Elizabeth Villa looks a lot like her mother.
She has Susan’s coloring, they both have a slight wave to their
dark blond hair, and they share the same bright, happy shine in
their eyes.
And yet the 6-year old kindergartner has quite a bit in common
with her father, Randy, as well, such as a friendly, yet slightly
guarded personality and a can-do attitude.
A Hollister family becomes whole, with a little help from the Kinship Center
Elizabeth Villa looks a lot like her mother.
She has Susan’s coloring, they both have a slight wave to their dark blond hair, and they share the same bright, happy shine in their eyes.
And yet the 6-year old kindergartner has quite a bit in common with her father, Randy, as well, such as a friendly, yet slightly guarded personality and a can-do attitude.
Although shared traits between children and parents are not unusual, there is a twist to the Villa’s story. Randy and Susan are not Elizabeth’s biological parents. The three have come together, however, to form what is a very natural family.
“I really believe all of this has happened for a reason,” said Susan, 46. “The day we picked her up to bring her home for good, she was standing outside her foster home with all of her stuff packed and ready to go. She kept saying ‘Hurry, Daddy, let’s go!’ It was meant to be.”
Susan and Randy, 46, adopted Elizabeth through the Kinship Center, a statewide adoptive, foster and relative care program with an office in Salinas. The center helps place special needs children with adoptive families, and also provides support to members of a child’s biological family, such as grandparents, who wish to care for the child full-time.
The decision to adopt through Kinship was not one Randy and Susan made lightly. Although this is Randy’s first marriage, Susan has four children from a previous marriage. Two of the children – Bradley Webb, 24, and Joshua Webb, 23 – had already left home and started families of their own. Of the younger two, only Amanda, 19, still lives with her mother – Patrick, 17, lives with his biological father. And while Randy says he loves all of his stepchildren, having a child of his own was something he still dreamt of.
“I guess, because they were older and not really in the house, it was different,” he said. “They are like my kids. But I felt it would be a little different to have one of our own.”
“We talked about it quite a bit,” Susan continued. “Even though I had four grown children, it would have been pretty selfish of me to say no. I love being a mom. And Randy was so passionate, and the kids were excited, too. It just felt like the right thing to do.”
Because Susan was no longer able to have children, the couple decided in 2004 to look into adoption. Their initial experience, however, was not inspiring, Susan said.
“We first went to a private agency,” she said. “Just to walk in the door and talk to someone, it cost us $350. They were asking for around $30,000-$40,000 to adopt, and on our salaries, that just wasn’t possible. We would have had to put the house up, and what was the point of that?”
Shortly after his and Susan’s experience at the private agency, Colleen Grimes, a co-worker of Randy’s at San Andreas Continuation School where Randy teaches, suggested the couple contact the Kinship Center. Grimes had worked with the shelter in the past and recommended its services to Randy.
“We were kind of skeptical, because it was free,” Susan said. “But we went anyway, and met with Valerie Golden, who set us up with parenting classes, and had us fill out all kinds of paperwork. We went through an extensive background check. Once we finished the eight Saturdays of classes, we were able to look through binders filled with photos and biographies. It was so hard for me, because I wanted all of them.”
‘They choose you’
A few weekends later, Randy and Susan went to the Oakland Zoo for a picnic sponsored by the Kinship Center. The picnics are designed to allow prospective parents to meet the children in a neutral, relaxed atmosphere. Although the couple had a good time, they did not meet a child they felt was right for their family.
“We just didn’t connect with any of the kids there,” Susan said, quietly. “It was hard for us. And then, we were supposed to go to another one a week later in Sacramento, but it was cancelled due to rain.”
The third time was the charm. The following week, on what Randy describes a “beautiful, warm day,” the couple went to Sacramento for the rescheduled barbecue. It was there that they found Elizabeth.
“It was really funny, in a way,” Susan said. “We were just about ready to leave. Elizabeth got there late – but when she came in, I knew. She ran right up to Randy. It’s true what they say, you know. They choose you, they really do.”
Randy and Susan stayed, and made a necklace with Elizabeth, then 3 years old, at the crafts table. Elizabeth picked out all the beads, and Randy strung them. Today, the necklace sits in a special box in Elizabeth’s new room.
Although Susan felt immediately Elizabeth was the child for them, she said it took Randy a bit longer. Elizabeth is a special needs child – she is classified as both speech and motor skills delayed, and receives weekly physical and occupational therapy as well as adaptive physical education classes. She had tubes put in her ears to help with hearing loss due to a broken ear drum and has had an expander placed in her mouth to help with her speech.
Because Susan deals with special needs children on a daily basis – she is a teacher at Monterey Peninsula College where she works with special education students – she said she did not share Randy’s initial concerns. The couple agreed to meet Elizabeth again, this time one-on-one in the company of a social worker. Randy said he quickly realized Elizabeth “was my daughter,” and that meeting led to seven more, including meetings with Elizabeth’s foster parents, who allowed Randy and Susan to stay in a second house they owned near the Sacramento home where Elizabeth was living.
An open road
It took a year from their initial meeting in May 2004 for the open adoption to be finalized. During that time, Randy and Susan met several members of Elizabeth’s biological family, including her parents, her two brothers and her maternal and paternal grandparents. Relationships between the adoptive and biological families are encouraged by Kinship Center, Susan said.
“I came from the old school of thought, where the child had no idea who their biological family was,” she said. “But Elizabeth knows she came from [her biological mother’s] tummy. She knows [her biological parents] were sick and couldn’t take care of her. Right now, we’ve told her what she can handle, what is age appropriate. Also, we are blessed to have a great relationship with Elizabeth’s paternal grandmother, and we’ve had the whole family down for Elizabeth’s birthday.”
The Kinship Center helped the Villas to set up visitation guidelines with Elizabeth’s biological parents, whose children were taken away from them when drug use caused them to neglect their care. Elizabeth’s two brothers now live with an aunt in the Sacramento area. Once a year visits with the Villas present are mandated under the provisions of the adoption, but if the Villas feel it is appropriate, additional visits can be added. They often take Elizabeth to her paternal grandmother’s house, where she plays with her brothers. Susan sends the grandmother pictures and cards, and has invited “Oma” to the Villa’s home in Hollister.
The Villas have a case worker, Nancy Murphy, who helps them with any issues which arise over Elizabeth’s care, and also attend regular support group meetings offered through the Kinship Center, which continues to play a major role in the family’s life, Susan said.
“I’m still angry at her [Elizabeth’s biological mother] for what she has done to the kids,” she said. “But Nancy reminds us that we wouldn’t have Elizabeth if it wasn’t for that. And [Elizabeth’s biological mother] tries to get Elizabeth to call her ‘mom’ when she sees her, and I have a big problem with that as well. Nancy says to not feel guilty, because I am Elizabeth’s mom. It really helps to have Nancy there when we have questions.”
Today, Elizabeth sleeps in her aquarium-themed bedroom which was designed by Randy with help from her mom, her new brothers and sister, and her grandparents. She attends special day classes at a school in Hollister, and has gone from a quiet, shy girl to a cheerful talkative student whose desk now sits close to teacher Sonya Roybal because “Elizabeth has become too social,” Susan laughed.
“When we first brought her home, she had a vocabulary of about 20 words and used sign language for others,” Susan said. “So when I got off the phone with her teacher, I was like ‘Yes!’ I knew I had to talk to her, but I was so happy.”
Although she remains a special needs child, Elizabeth is making remarkable progress, especially since the insertion of the ear tubes and mouth expander, Susan said. She is expected to be able to communicate normally and continues to make strides in her speech, Susan said.
“She’s getting better and better,” she said. “She’s in an amazing day care program in the afternoon and she has just blossomed under Sonya’s care. She treats her just like any other kid and that’s what Elizabeth needs.”
Another way her parents are hoping to help Elizabeth make progress is by keeping her in touch with her roots. Elizabeth enjoys looking at what the Villas call a “life” book, as opposed to a baby book. The “life” book is filled with pictures of her life before being adopted by the Villas through pictures from Oma, as well as her life since the adoption.
“We felt she needed to know her family history because that is who gave her to us,” Randy said. “You have to know your background. Knowing that makes you secure in the knowledge of who you are. It makes you the person you will become.”
This weekend, the Villas will attend the 51st annual Kinship Center Gabilan Chapter Wine and Food Tasting at Paicines Ranch. It will be the second year Randy and Susan attend the event, which raises money for the Kinship Center and its services. The couple continues to support the center, through which they found their daughter.
“It was a long process, but the thing is, you have to know it is right,” Randy said, as he hugged Elizabeth close to him. “If it’s meant to work out, it will. And it did. This is my daughter.”
Laurie Lemmerman-Castañeda can be reached at
ca******@pi**********.com
.
If you go
The Gabilan Chapter Kinship Centers 51 annual Wine and Food tasting will be at Paicines Ranch, Saturday, Sept. 8 from 4 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $50 a person. For tickets and more information, please call 634-0238.
