Don Anderson looked out upon the expectant faces of the Roses
for Moses Society and said,
”
Fellows, I’m afraid I’ve got bad news. The podiatrist lined up
for tonight’s address on ‘Understanding Your Feet’ called me just
10 minutes ago. He won’t be able to make it.
”
A chorus of disappointed cries filled the room, and Anderson
held up his hand.
Don Anderson looked out upon the expectant faces of the Roses for Moses Society and said, “Fellows, I’m afraid I’ve got bad news. The podiatrist lined up for tonight’s address on ‘Understanding Your Feet’ called me just 10 minutes ago. He won’t be able to make it.”
A chorus of disappointed cries filled the room, and Anderson held up his hand.
“I know, I know; these things happen. Perhaps we can substitute that program with reports from the committee chairmen on the progress of the ‘Tribute to Gide Festival’ or ….Yes, John?”
John Hodges arose.
“Thank you, Mister Chairman. Maybe we won’t have to postpone the program after all because we have right here in our membership that eminent physician and all-around good fellow, Doctor Martin M. Bress!”
A round of applause continued until Bress stood.
“My field is coronary care, so I’m not….” Bress began but the applause crested and continued. He shrugged.
“Very well, but keep in mind that my remarks are based on anatomy courses from my pre-med days, and an occasional medical magazine article.
“We all have feet, and it is necessary to properly maintain them so they can perform the functions for which they were intended. That maintenance includes frequent cleaning, trimming the nails and cladding the feet in well-fitting socks and shoes. Understanding your feet’s needs is basic to their health. Robbie, you have a question?”
“More of an observation,” Robert Scattini said with twinkling eyes. “From your remarks, it would be appropriate to think of yourself and your feet as sole mates,” and laughed to split his sides.
“You’re a heel to say that, Robbie,” Paul Wattis whooped.
“Yes, don’t get arch with us,” E.J. Belliveau said, and doubled over in self-appreciative laughter.
“Me next, me next,” cried Fernando Gonzalez.
He vibrated for a moment with suppressed merriment before he could speak.
“When I took up the shoe horn, I sprayed the whole area with footnotes!”
Gary Young’s hand thrust up.
“What do you call a zipper in a boot?” he asked, and immediately supplied the answer: “A shoe fly!”
“Oh, I wish Sid Moses was here,” Anderson said. “He would have loved this.”
“As a matter of fact, I called Sid earlier today to remind him of tonight’s program,” Pablo Balancio put in. “He said it was vital to care for one’s feet because great aches from little toe corns grow.”
“My big toe swelled up once, and the doctor determined that I had toe-main poisoning,” Richard Place offered.
“That’s corny,” Ruben Lopez responded.
“My feet have troubled me lately,” Kollin Kosmicki said, “but I can’t foot a doctor’s bill.”
Mac Mota stood.
“I have an ode that seems appropriate:” He struck a pose. “Said the toe to the sock, ‘Oh, please let me through.’ Said the sock to the toe, ‘I’ll be darned if I do.'”
Bress, who had stood patiently all the while, smiled philosophically.
“Mister Chairman, I think that takes care of the program, so I’ll just shuffle off now,” and bowed to the appreciative applause.
“Thank you, doctor,” Anderson said, concealing a smile behind his hand. “I’m sure you have made us all feel more attached to our feet. And now, the final order of business.”
Refreshments were served.
Herman Wrede is a Free Lance correspondent. His column appears every Friday.
