Something stinks in Gilroy
Every Monday when my Pinnacle arrives at my post box in downtown
Hollywood my friends and neighbors come by asking,
”
Did it arrive yet? Did it come yet?
”
as they are all so anxious to read my column as they go past my
mug directly to Wendy Sans and her South County beat. They all want
to move to San Benito County’s South County. I tell them her column
is just one made up fantasy world where life is just one long
barbecue with intermittent flurries of cotton candy and Wendy in
her cowgirl outfit is just as real as Mary Poppins. Just a handful
of sugar cubes
…
Something stinks in Gilroy
Every Monday when my Pinnacle arrives at my post box in downtown Hollywood my friends and neighbors come by asking, “Did it arrive yet? Did it come yet?” as they are all so anxious to read my column as they go past my mug directly to Wendy Sans and her South County beat. They all want to move to San Benito County’s South County. I tell them her column is just one made up fantasy world where life is just one long barbecue with intermittent flurries of cotton candy and Wendy in her cowgirl outfit is just as real as Mary Poppins. Just a handful of sugar cubes …
“Shrek the 300” is opening this weekend and am I the happiest movie fan in the world because that means the rest of the auditoriums showing movies with real actors and real people will be nearly empty and I can have a near private showing. Can you imagine Bogart or Garbo trying to break into the picture biz nowadays? “Hey Bogie, can you fit into this G*%*#%**%! spider costume?
John Bagley’s mug shot on the sports page seems to have him sporting a wider smile. It should; he did something every sports page editor would love. A hole-in-one, a grand slam, a 102-yard kickoff return to win the Super Bowl in the last play of the game. And no sports writer in the USA and parts of Oakland can understand how he did it. Of all the people in the world, he married the beautiful – and I mean beautiful – Monique Caramella. Eat your heart out Peyton Manning.
When James Doohan, the actor who played Scottie on Star Trek, received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, he was wheelchair-bound but looked pretty damned good. I’ll never forget him saying that when he died he would like to be shot into space and I don’t mean between William Shatner’s ears. He got his wish last week as his cremated remains were shot into space. I asked the same for me but NASA sent me a letter that they did not have a missile with that big a power thrust. Well, I do!
Glad to see Marlee Matlin, that great oscar-winning actress without benefit of hearing, being featured on the season finale of “My Name is Earl.” The last time I saw Marlee was at last year’s Hollywood Parade where she, like most stars, returned my peace sign and without having to know any special “sign.” Everyone loves peace … except governments.
Four aye chee waa waa’s to that restaurant owner who asked O.J. Simpson and his party of 12 to leave his restaurant. Simpson’s attorney said it was discrimination. I don’t think it is discrimination to kick O.J. Simpson out of your establishment as long as you throw all wife-beating murderers out, no matter their race, color or creed.
Fires are always sad, especially as we get to know and love this most beautiful of areas. One actor of “Grey’s Anatomy” lives in the splendiferous Los Feliz area which butted Hollywood and Griffith Park. When it looked like last week’s fire may not be contained he suggested that he and his wife might take that three-day mini- vacation they always wanted to try on Catalina Island. Aye chee waa waa. If I invite him over for dinner we’re upping the fire insurance!
Still laughing at the Hollister-based Top Hatters Motorcycle Club members being thrown out of the Gilroy Garlic Festival as their spokesdoofus claims it’s a family affair. Well, I don’t know about this nincompoop who apparently has inhaled way too much garlic powder, but aren’t families supposed to be inclusive, not exclusive? Or do you really think that most of us would pick the families we have? Hell, we even have a Democrat and a Dodger fan in our family, the shame of it all. The Top Hatters have been doing more good in Hollister than most churches long before the Gilroy do-gooders decided to exploit the big lie. The Top Hatters shouldn’t sue. They should come out in force with huge banners letting the national and international television media know that Gilroy doesn’t grow enough garlic to top a medium pizza. Gilroy, the garlic capital, is really Gilroy, the world’s greatest garlic processing plant.
Gilroy’s Garlic Processing Plant Festival motto if they were honest should read: “We can’t grow garlic but we still stink!”
