Do you have a problem with self-control? Do you struggle to
control your temper or your spending or your eating or some other
area in your life? Bad habits come in easily but never leave
without a fight. Perhaps you, like me, have made resolutions, only
to be pulled back into that old, bad habit. The problem, I’ve
found, is that when I focus on just changing my behavior, I attack
my goal from the wrong direction.
Do you have a problem with self-control? Do you struggle to control your temper or your spending or your eating or some other area in your life? Bad habits come in easily but never leave without a fight. Perhaps you, like me, have made resolutions, only to be pulled back into that old, bad habit. The problem, I’ve found, is that when I focus on just changing my behavior, I attack my goal from the wrong direction.
A good example would be my futile attempts over the years to control my weight. I would quit eating the foods I love (and coming from Louisiana those loves include fried-whatever, rich Cajun sauces, and, well, you get the idea). The problem comes when I change my eating behavior but still retain my craving for fattening foods. When I tire of my diet (which doesn’t take long), I find myself thinking about my old favorites and here an age-old truth kicks in: The way I think determines the way I feel, and the way I feel determines the way I act. If I’m acting angrily, it’s because I feel angry, and I feel angry because I’m having thoughts that stir up anger. With this principle in mind, let’s look at two simple steps we can take to gain self-control:
The first step is to acknowledge the root of the problem. The root of the problem, for all of us, is a built-in desire to go away from what we should do and toward what we shouldn’t do. The Bible uses the word “sin” to describe this inherent southward pull in our nature. Step one is admitting we have a sin problem. 1 John 1:8 says, “If we say we have no sin we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth.” In other words, we only make things worse when we pretend there’s no problem. In order to stop defeating myself, I must stop deceiving myself! In the twelve-step groups (e.g., AA), the very first step is to admit I do not have the power within myself to overcome my problem.
The second step has to do with faith: I must trust in Christ to change me instead of depending on my own willpower. Paul shared this truth in Romans 7:24-25, “Who can free me? I thank God there is a way out through Jesus Christ our Lord!” He went on to say, “The new spiritual principle of life in Jesus Christ lifts me out of the old vicious circle…” (Romans 8:2).
So you read that and think, “isn’t there another way?” The short answer is “no,” but that hasn’t stopped people from coming up with crazy alternatives. Consider the top ten suggestions a leading women’s magazine offered on coping with depression: 1) Go home for lunch and tune in to “All My Children.” 2) Pretend you’re on a deserted island with Richard Gere. 3) Go shopping! 4) Head for nearest deli for a pastrami on rye. 5) Fantasize revenge against an enemy. 6) Dress up your daughter’s Barbie dolls. 7) Watch an old Fred Astaire movie. 8) Reread the first love story you ever read. 9) Get away for a wild weekend. 10) If you want to rid yourself of depression, get rid of all your old underwear!
That’s great… my life is falling apart and somebody tells me the solution is to get rid of all my old underwear and go away for a wild weekend. It’s amazing the lengths we’ll go to in order to avoid doing the right thing, which always involves having an open, honest relationship with Christ.
Perhaps one reason is the fear many of us have that if we really get serious about doing things God’s way, we’ll become fanatics. Yet the opposite is true: “The Spirit that God gives us fills us with power, love, and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). God doesn’t want to make you a fanatic, He wants to give you the power to make the changes you need to make, a love strong enough to build lasting relationships, and the self-control needed to stop defeating yourself.
