On a recent Friday, I came home from the gym and turned on my
shower to heat the water. Still clothed, and alone, I started
singing that Elton John song,
”
Rocket Man,
”
which I had just heard in the car.
On a recent Friday, I came home from the gym and turned on my shower to heat the water. Still clothed, and alone, I started singing that Elton John song, “Rocket Man,” which I had just heard in the car. With the bathroom next to my apartment’s entrance and the bathroom door wide open, my roommate walked in right as I was bustin’ out the lyrics.
“Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man!” I sang as we made eye contact.
My nerves compressed like a thousand potato bugs trying to hide.
“Hey, what’s up? I abruptly said.
She greeted me back, somehow, without laughing. I immediately acknowledged my goof and mumbled, still chagrined, that I had been listening to Elton in the car.
After about a minute of embarrassment I laughed it off, because I knew most people perform similarly absurd acts in private almost every day; not necessarily loudly proclaiming themselves as a rocket man, but something – singing, dancing, talking to themselves – that would induce humiliation if witnessed. Only that time, I was unfortunately in the first percentile to get caught.
It made me think: What is life, really, but a series of these trivial, yet embarrassing moments – with some serious stuff in between? Everyone has them, and some of us taste the subtle flashes of floundering more often than others.
Just last week while driving on East Street, a car was passing in the left lane. I recognized the driver, or so I thought, by her seemingly unmatched curly hairstyle. As the woman passed, I cheesed a smile and waved. Of course, she wasn’t who I had predicted, and I remorsefully, with a smile, shook my head.
Estimated duration of embarrassment: 3-4 seconds – not bad, really.
And how many times in an average lifetime does a person get caught in the act of joyously singing in a car by a passing stranger? The answer is 650, according to a Gallup poll. OK, I made that up, but I’d wager my two big toes that estimate is conservative.
And what about those times we’ve all experienced when a random stranger begins to smile and wave toward us in public? There’s always a good chance their greeting is directed at someone else, leaving three basic choices for a reaction: Smile and wave back; peek behind and proceed to take appropriate action; ignore the smiley waving person altogether and continue walking.
There is another option I have devised, which few would dare employ: Start dancing and do the Moonwalk until you’re behind any other potential recipients of the wave.
Many more examples exist of commonly shared embarrassing instances – such as a periodic stumble on the sidewalk, a sleeping student waking in a puddle of drool on her arm and desk, a subtle voice crack, forgetting someone’s name, calling someone by the wrong name, pushing the door when the sign says “pull,” responding to the waiter, “You too” when he had said, “Enjoy your meal.” These minor miscues are a constant for most people.
The key, really, is to endure the petty instances and avoid the wrecking ball of lasting humiliation.
There is a select category of events, for which, at all costs, humiliation should be avoided, or a lifelong price may be paid. Included are weddings, graduations and first dates, among others. Why first dates? Because word spreads, especially in Hollister.
I’ve experienced my share of largely shameful moments, but I have endured and even learned from them in the process. For instance, there was the time in fifth grade I accidentally walked in the women’s locker room at the local YMCA pool. I swear, Mom, I saw nothing because my vision went into a shock-induced blur.
You may be asking, “What could be learned from that?” Well, I learned to always read the sign twice on all gender-specific doors.
Mostly, I’ve learned to bear those moments of humiliation, and afterward, smile or laugh. Then I’ll usually tell the stories to others, or in today’s case, countless readers of the Free Lance.
