Between Us by Kelly Sinon
Harry and Minnie Weiner (Yes, those were their real names) would
have been absolutely appalled to see the angry purple bruise on my
right hip from a fall I took off of a chair in The Boy’s room while
hanging curtains a couple of weeks ago.
Why would these people with the ambiguously funny names be so
aghast, you ask? Harry and Minnie were the heads of the Weiner
family, who eventually became the Werner family, and the Werner
family; more aptly Richard (Dick) Werner was the founder of Werner
Ladder Company.
Between Us by Kelly Sinon
Harry and Minnie Weiner (Yes, those were their real names) would have been absolutely appalled to see the angry purple bruise on my right hip from a fall I took off of a chair in The Boy’s room while hanging curtains a couple of weeks ago.
Why would these people with the ambiguously funny names be so aghast, you ask? Harry and Minnie were the heads of the Weiner family, who eventually became the Werner family, and the Werner family; more aptly Richard (Dick) Werner was the founder of Werner Ladder Company.
None of this is really funny or ironic until you find out that Dick (Weiner) Werner was my great-great Uncle.
Yes, Uncle Dick founded a company that manufactured – and still does – ladders, among other things, related to climbing. Good ones. Aluminum ones, wooden ones, fiberglass ones, even. And even though I didn’t get a discount on my ladder, I proudly store it in the garage. Which might not have been such a good place for it, as I was balanced precariously on a tiny chair, with a hammer in one hand, a nail in the other and another nail in my mouth.
I figured that this was a fairly simple operation; get up on the chair that I had somehow managed to wedge in between the computer desk and the wall and hang the matching blue valances that go with the bedding set. Piece of cake. What could go wrong? And besides, the ladder was downstairs, around the corner, down the hall and out the door in the garage. This should only take a few minutes, anyway.
Being 5 feet 2 inches tall, you would think that I would have ladders of various sizes scattered throughout my house for different projects. I don’t. But I do have chairs, and they are versatile. You can sit and stand on them … or not. The chair is Werner Ladders’ arch nemesis.
I had it coming, this sort of twisted Karma. I had failed the family in its most basic principle. Always use a ladder – a Werner ladder. It’s funny, but I can remember my mother standing on chairs to hang everything: pictures, curtains, the star on the Hanukkah-Christmas tree. I can also remember my father hauling out the wooden, yellow paint-spattered Werner to hang lights on the house when I was growing up. I always tended to take after my mother.
When we bought this house though, I was thrilled that I had a reason to finally buy my very own Werner just because of that memory. That and they don’t make chairs that tall.
Reaching up to tap the last nail into place, I had to reach just a bit farther. I took what I thought was one small step for Kelly, but stepped onto air and became better acquainted with the computer desk that broke my fall.
After a lot of muffled swearing and the valances were finally hung, I limped downstairs to make dinner. As fun as it is to say that my family began Werner Ladder Company, we were having meat loaf. Again.
I thought about my family tree and realized that we are a short bunch of folks. Uncle Dick probably founded the company because we’re all so short. And here I am using chairs. I also wondered what my aversion was to actually using the ladder. Maybe if Uncle Dick had started Werner Chair Company, I’d be using ladders. Who knows.
I silently apologized to Harry and Minnie and great-great Uncle Dick. And the computer desk.
Kelly Sinon can be reached at sk*****@ao*.com. She lives in Gilroy with her family.
