Face it, you hate listening to sports talk radio or watching
ESPN these days because the headlines of summer are almost always
negative.
Face it, you hate listening to sports talk radio or watching ESPN these days because the headlines of summer are almost always negative.
The athletes that made you lose your lunch in disgust have dominated airwaves and articles for too long. So, to start your weekend on a lighter note, here are some pretend punishments for the scalawags of sports.
Tim Donaghy
Not since Pete Rose and the infamous Chicago “Black” Sox has a professional sporting event been so compromised. Donaghy, the ref that bet on NBA games he was officiating, will be sentenced for his crimes in the coming weeks. I believe he should have two options. He can either become head referee of his prison’s basketball games – do you really think he would cross any of those players? – or he should be forced to officiate WNBA games – Oh, the horror.
Barry Bonds
He broke Hank Aaron’s record, now he deserves a two-week vacation to a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It should be relaxing since no one will be able to ask him about steroids.
Bud Selig
After giving a “Herculean effort” to follow Bonds’ home run chase, Selig gets the same two week vacation to the same deserted island. Barry and Bud will finally be able to sit around a campfire together and have deep, existential conversations late into the night. Either that, or it will be something like the end of Lord of the Flies.
Adam “Pacman” Jones
He was suspended for the 2007 NFL season after being arrested six times, and he recently made an appearance on a fake wrestling show. Guys like this usually end up in jail or dead, so we might as well start planning for the future. His prison attire should consist of a jumpsuit and a red bow tie. He will be known by other inmates as cell mate “Ms. Pacman.”
Michael Vick
No one is guilty until proven innocent, but by the time you’ve finished reading this sentence, Vick very well could be pleading guilty to a number of charges related to dogfighting. If this is the case, I recommend Vick being placed into custody, stripped of his ‘bling’ and forced to fight Bob Barker in a steel cage match. The loser, and if you’ve seen “Happy Gilmore” you know that would be Vick, would be spade or neutered.
