Bob rewrites a piece of film history
Hollister has never been action central but I loved that story
about Nash Bridges, I mean Nash Bridge. The headline in the Fifty
Cent Lance,
”
Opening a Primary Artery,
”
complete with picture of members of the Board of Supervisors
unveiling a plaque in honor of the
”
primary artery.
”
Where was Don Johnson? The story includes quotes from various
big shots as a
”
Godsend.
”
Now let me put the
”
Godsend
”
and
”
primary artery
”
in some time perspective.
Bob rewrites a piece of film history
Hollister has never been action central but I loved that story about Nash Bridges, I mean Nash Bridge. The headline in the Fifty Cent Lance, “Opening a Primary Artery,” complete with picture of members of the Board of Supervisors unveiling a plaque in honor of the “primary artery.” Where was Don Johnson? The story includes quotes from various big shots as a “Godsend.” Now let me put the “Godsend” and “primary artery” in some time perspective.
The Nash Bridge is only 285 feet long and 42 feet wide and this is 2007. The bridge it is replacing washed away in 1995. Hey, it only took 12 years to rebuild a “primary artery” and if it is a “Godsend” I’d say God is probably a union boss. Twelve years: it has taken O.J. Simpson that long not finding his wife’s killer. Aye chee waa waa.
Despite that obvious segue I am not going to mention O.J. Simpson … like hell I’m not. I’m sickened that the press and law enforcement will not let this American icon alone. When he was rightfully cleared of his wife’s murder and that of her friend was it not by a jury of his peers? For the past 12 years has he not honored his pledge to live out his last living days in finding their killer? He has done that, as he is an honorable man.
The killer must be on a Florida golf course because that has been the focus of his search for the last 12 years. I figure the killer must be a retired New Yorker of the Jewish persuasion, a Cuban caddy or Bill Murray.
My latest screenplay should be a winner but I’m keeping the title under wraps because in the past studios have been ripping off my ideas. For instance, I wrote “Went With the Wind,” a beautiful, touching film about an old folks’ home that when all the tenants had flatulence at the same time, the home “went with the wind.”
Other films that with just a slight name change were also stolen from me: “1969 A Space Odyssey,” “Bridge on the River Cries,” Lawrence of Siberia,” “Two Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” “The Godmother,” “The Hunt for Blue October,” “Clean Harry,” “Butch Cassidy and the Moondance Kid,” “Singing in the Train,” “The Treasure of the Sierra Padre,” “The Undergraduate,” and one hell of a musical, “East Side Story.” And then that damned war monger George Lucas stole my “Star Peace.”
I also wrote the original screenplay to the motorcycle invasion of Hollister, “The Wild Two.” Columbia Pictures claimed they were in a cost-cutting mode and cut out my Don Knotts character leaving Marlon Brando as “The Wild One.”
One of my favorite stories, though, about “The Wild One,” was how lucky they were. The original title for the Hollister biker flick was “Hot Blood.” Unfortunately or fortunately there was already another movie coming out with that title. “Hot Blood” was a story about gypsies starring the buxom Jane Russell and the not so Cornel Wilde. The poster for “Hot Blood under their pictures screamed “See Jane Russell shake her tambourines and drive Cornel Wilde.”
Where’s Bobby Cruz when we really need him?
My place of birth, San Juan Bautista, should have been named the Mystery Spot as that place in the Santa Cruz Mountains where the water goes uphill has nothing on San Juan Bautista that goes downhill. San Juan Bautista’s big chunk of revenue comes from tourists who flock to my birthplace. Now I read that tourist buses do not want to stop in San Juan Bautista because there are not enough toilets at the mission. How ironic that a city named after St. John doesn’t have enough johns.
Love all those dumb health articles newspapers run because they are part of some service. My favorite was one last week about how you can tell if you are depressed. 1. You have a reduction in appetite and weight loss. 2. You have an increase in appetite and weight gain. What?
Glad to see Paine’s is sold to a couple that will bring back the old cook and what made Paine’s so popular, great food, lots of it, comfortable setting, old-fashioned servers when they really were waiters as though their tips depended on it, all at a price a working stiff could afford. The last owner of Paine’s was a pain .. a pain in the wallet. Aye chee waa waa.
Can’t stop laughing at this headline in England’s Daily Mail: “Castle Has First Woman Beefeater.” Somehow I just don’t believe that.
