50 years and still a cut-up
Ever since a friend gave me one of those machines that does
interior net the little old blue-haired lady has bugged me every
day.
”
Mr. Venzykulu, you are a sexist pig. Every time you write about
women in Hollister you have to mention how sexy they are. How do
you think our district attoreney, Candace Hooper, feels when you
have to mention how great her legs are every time you write about
her?
”
50 years and still a cut-up
Ever since a friend gave me one of those machines that does interior net the little old blue-haired lady has bugged me every day. “Mr. Venzykulu, you are a sexist pig. Every time you write about women in Hollister you have to mention how sexy they are. How do you think our district attoreney, Candace Hooper, feels when you have to mention how great her legs are every time you write about her?”
Well, I don’t know why the sexy, great-legged district attorney should mind. Her predecessor, John Sarsfield, never seemed to mind when I wrote that he had great legs. Aye chee waa waa.
In my defense, I happen to believe that if there is a God he made no more beautiful fawn or fauna on this earth than women. Here in Hollywood we have the most beautiful women per capita in the world. The mere fact that beautiful women flock here to flock here in hopes of being the next Marjorie Main, the sexiest actress ever to grace the semi-silver screen. However, Hollywood beauty does not make women sexy like Hollister sexy. Women in Hollister are much more sexy than the airhead beauties here in Hollywood. I never met a woman I never liked but then I have never met Rosie O’Donnell or Hillary Clinton.
Hooray to Mr. and Mrs. Flapjack of Flapjack’s, one of the best breakfast places in the world and parts of Breakfastcana, Kansas. Now the sunny side up of Tres Pinos is going to open up a taqueria and if their Mexican food is half as good as their breakfasts they should be better than any of the other 5,669 taco joints in Hollister. Mr. and Mrs. Flapjack plan to win over the taste buds by doing just what they do at Flapjack’s … keep it simple. Instead of 100 mediocre items just feature nothing but the best. Imagine that: a restaurant that features nothing but the best. Aye chee waa waa.
Years ago I told Lynn, the owner of Lynn’s Liquors, that she was so busy that she should open a drive-thru window. Well someone decided to do just that and the new owner, John Hernandez, has lost a lot of money during the impromptu drive-thru repairs to the building. Do yourself a favor and a great guy a favor and make your next liquor run a stop at Lynn’s Liquors. With emphasis on stop.
John Amelio is a great minister with his Glad Tidings Church in San Juan and quite a cutup. When Johnny was working his way through school he sold Nancy and I a 12-piece set of Cut-Co Cutlery and claimed it would last us a lifetime. Every piece still seems as strong as they day he sold it to us newlyweds almost 50 years ago. At this rate I may live to be 100. So if you’re voting in that Pinnacle poll on what columnist to fire you’d better vote to fire me now as I could be around for another 50 years if you don’t stop me now or blame Amelio my cutlery. Aye chee waa waa.
Speaking of birthdays this March 11 is my birthday and the birthday of Sally Stephenson of Hollister. Sally is one of my lifetime best people of all time. Beautiful, sexy, funny and a voice that sends chills of passion. Sally is also the world’s greatest cook and, more important, the world’s No. 1 movie fan. She enjoys movies the way movies were intended by God to be viewed – with a large box of popcorn. I mean, going to a movie without munching on popcorn is like going to a burlesque show and yelling, “put it on! Put it on!”
Sally also has the reputation of giving you the shirt off her back. I’m not sure about that one. I asked her for her shirt off her back many times and all I got was a slap in the face. Aye chee waa waa.
Speaking of birthdays, part deux. Some days I feel like it but Eugene Carbone makes it look easy as he celebrates his 100th birthday. He outwalks most younger seniors, has a great loving family and is one of the true giants in San Benito County history. But he’s not perfect; he’s a Democrat. Not only a Democrat but so powerful a leader that he took once Republican stronghold San Benito County into the Democratic camp. But I still love the guy.
Beg, borrow or steal a copy of the Feb. 22 edition of the Fifty Cent Lance. Adam Breen’s column on coming to Hollywood with a Taurus as his rental car is one of the funniest columns I have ever read. If the Fifty Cent Lance is smart, and no one has ever accused them of that, they should re-run that column and certainly submit it for a national award. People just don’t believe that Hollywood and Beverly Hills in particular are a whole different world. Adam Breen will make you a believer. Adam is one of the few reasons I still believe in teachers. His students at Hollister High are the luckiest students in the world. I first met Adam when he was the city editor at the Fifty Cent Lance when it was the greatest hometown paper in the United States. He would have nothing to do with me. Did I mention this guy has class … and class.
Love that other peace officers in Hollister love the fact that the new San Benito County probation officer, Brian Cardall, is packing heat. Hell, I don’t know why that is such a big deal. When I attended Sacred Heart Grammar School the nuns felt a need to pack a rod. Aye chee waa waa.
