Giving crooks
a head start
WARNING: If you are a San Benito County taxpayer do not read the
next paragraph.
Headline in last week’s Hollister Fifty Cent Lance:
”
Sheriff’s office to conduct gang patrol on weekend.
”
Great news for gangs who love to rape, pillage and drive-by
shoot on weekdays and like their weekends off. Thank goodness the
sheriff’s department didn’t give away what hours on the weekend
they would have their crack gang patrol on duty. What? The weekend
patrol hours are in the story? Seven p.m. to 3 a.m. Now weekend
gangbangers like weekday gangs have their schedules all plotted out
for them thanks to the sheriff’s department. Aye chee waa waa que
el stupido!
Giving crooks
a head start
WARNING: If you are a San Benito County taxpayer do not read the next paragraph.
Headline in last week’s Hollister Fifty Cent Lance: “Sheriff’s office to conduct gang patrol on weekend.” Great news for gangs who love to rape, pillage and drive-by shoot on weekdays and like their weekends off. Thank goodness the sheriff’s department didn’t give away what hours on the weekend they would have their crack gang patrol on duty. What? The weekend patrol hours are in the story? Seven p.m. to 3 a.m. Now weekend gangbangers like weekday gangs have their schedules all plotted out for them thanks to the sheriff’s department. Aye chee waa waa que el stupido!
I had planned a trip back east to a global warming convention but it was cancelled. Cancelled due to the near record snow storms. An inconvenient truth, Mr. Gore?
Still laughing that Victoria’s Secret is going to modify ads as sales are sagging. I’m not sure though that the new CEW is uplifting as he says their sag is due to their lingerie being too sexy. Now, how can lingerie be too sexy? I have never had any complaints.
And please stop calling and flooding my e-mail. Yes, I know the owners of Flapjack’s, that great breakfast place in Tres Pinos, are not really named Mr. and Mrs. Flapjack. But they asked me not to use their real names – Phil and Karen Pancakes. Aye chee waa waa.
Sherwood Schwartz received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and I couldn’t have been more excited to attend. Schwartz has been kicking around Hollywood since the Great Depression when he wrote jokes for Bob Hope for $5 apiece. But as he said, “During the Depression I could eat for a week on five bucks.”
Schwartz is the creator of “The Brady Bunch” and “Gilligan’s Island.” He wrote, produced and directed the fun classics and even wrote the theme songs. Florence Henderson, who still looks like Carol Brady, quipped as she stood by his side that more people know the words to those theme songs than the words of the National Anthem. Alongside of “Mrs. Brady” was the actor who played Peter Brady and the actress who played Cindy Brady. On his other side was Dawn Wells who as Mary Ann on “Gilligan’s Island” was every pre-teen’s first fantasy into manhood. Gilligan’s real-life son also attended and he looked just like his pop, the late Bob Denver. Why he was late I’ll never know. All together now, sing the National Anthem. Sing the “Brady Bunch” theme. Sing the “Gilligan’s Island” theme. Aye chee waa waa, Florence Henderson is right.
Speaking of “The Brady Bunch,” my sister-in-law Liz – my favorite sister-in-law – the tamale queen, is that show’s biggest fan. She and my little brother Ray,the world’s best worker, were married 30 years ago on my birthday, March 11. I wondered why no one in the family showed up for my birthday. Liz makes me call her my favorite sister-in-law or on their annual trip here to Hollywood she won’t bring me any of her famous tamales. But I refuse to be intimidated. Liz just happens to be my favorite sister-in-law. Aye chee waa waa.
As an atheist I can’t understand why anyone would be any religion but Christian. Most Christians, especially the Baptist type, sing the happiest, uplifting songs. If you live in Hollister try not tapping your toe with joy when you attend Grace Bible Church with the Rev. Jim Achilles officiating. I am so glad to hear that his church, unlike most, just keeps growing. No secret to me why. This guy loves life and loves people. He never met a person he never loved and he’s even met me a dozen or so times. And while I am not a believer I am smart enough to know that God probably doesn’t want me to strap on bombs and kill men, women and children to prove my love for him or sit in some dreary convent or attend some church where the doom and gloom makes Dick Cheney seem like Jerry Stiller. Praise the Lord, put a smile on your face and be prepared to wear out your shoe leather tapping your toes. As the 11th commandment says: Get Ye to Grace Bible Church. The Rio being my favorite little bar in East L.A., almost as much fun as mariachis playing and singing “Shall We Gather at the Rio.”
After watching Hillary in the spotlight for the year now I know why Bill cheated on her so much. Hell if she was married to Billy Graham I think even he might be tempted. Aye chee waa waa.
