The Devil made us do it!
”
Ha, ha!
”
The Devil laughed as he suddenly appeared.
”
You owe me a nickel.
”
The Devil made us do it!
“Ha, ha!” The Devil laughed as he suddenly appeared. “You owe me a nickel.”
I pushed five pennies from the change on the table across to him, ignoring his annoying tone of familiarity.
A waitress hurried up with pencil poised over pad. “May I help you?”
“I can’t decide if I want a flagon of molten silver or lava straight up,” he said.
“I’m new here, Sir. I’ll check to see if we have them.”
“Never mind, we were just leaving,” I said.
Out on San Benito Street he shook the pennies mockingly. “Did you really think that Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to lose?”
“I knew he’d win. The bet was just on principle.”
He snickered. “I’ve been collecting a lot of bets from people without five cents worth of principle.”
“How come it’s taken you so long?” I asked. “You’re usually punctual in collecting.”
He laughed again. “In an election year I like to gloat a bit. Besides, I’ve been doing a little regular business along the way.”
“And that means?”
“You know doggone well what it means. Don’t smile; I picked up a few Democrats, too.”
I shuddered involuntarily. “They signed the contract?”
The Devil’s eyes glittered. “I always carry a few extra copies with me. For those on the brink, I add a little inducement – like 500 years in management first before the terms are enforced. A few think they got the better of me when I extend it to 1,000. You’d be surprised how fast 10 centuries whip by when you’re contemplating eternity.”
“Do you allow signing statements?”
He laughed so uproariously that he had to steady himself against a building. “That’s a hot one!” He shook soundlessly for a moment until he regained himself. “They can make any signing statement they want but I’m the decider.”
“You must have been particularly busy this year.”
“Yep, in fact I made a lot of House calls.” He whooped again in his coarse way. “The House is de-Folyey-ated now but one former member left his Mark.” He bent double with hands on knees and cackled at length. “Didn’t do bad in the Senate either; got quite a few ATs there.”
“What’s an AT?” I asked.
“Accessory to torture. Time was not so long ago, you couldn’t even think of torture in this country. In fact, the big shots call it ‘alternative methods’ so it’s easier to swallow.” The Devil’s eyes gleamed. “They don’t know the meaning of ‘alternative methods’ yet but they will, believe me, they will.”
“You enjoy this, don’t you?”
The Devil put on a long face. “Don’t begrudge me a little fun, boy. I suffered from early rejection.”
“You’re bad.”
“Why, thank you,” he said.
“No, I mean bad – as in bad.”
“I know, thank you. Oops, look at the time; I’ve got an appointment in North Korea.”
The Devil vanished in a puff of smoke but his words echoed. “If you write about this, don’t forget to give me my due.”
