Do you know how life sometimes gives you little tests? And
sometimes you fail the tests? And sometimes the tests go on forever
and you start to wonder if you’re ever going to finish the
test?
Do you know how life sometimes gives you little tests? And sometimes you fail the tests? And sometimes the tests go on forever and you start to wonder if you’re ever going to finish the test?
Yeah, me too.
My test is the puppy, No-no Lulu. I swear to you, she has been sent from hell or heaven or somewhere to test me – or possibly to give me a heart attack. OK, fine. Maybe it’s not all about me. You see, No-no Lulu is crazy. And when I say crazy, I mean, “Hey, is that your dog on your roof” crazy. Take a few weeks ago, for example. Now Harry and I are experienced dog people. We know that a frisky puppy is no match for a crate, so we crate No-no Lulu whenever we leave the house.
Sadly, No-no Lulu doesn’t understand what being crated means. While we believe that putting her in the crate says, “Try to take a nap and we’ll be back soon,” No-no Lulu believes that it means, “Here’s a challenge; try to escape and ruin as much stuff in the house as you can before the humans return – and eating someone’s shoe gets you bonus points.”
So No-no Lulu was loyal to her belief. She listened to her inner voice and any time she could, she escaped from the crate. And then she’d eat one of my shoes. Only the left ones, of course. And no, I don’t know why. She’s just partial to left feet, I guess. So, being the good little humans that we are, we bought her another crate. A crate that was supposed to imprison the cleverest of escape artists – dogs like No-no Lulu.
And, of course, she escaped.
And that’s how she broke her leg. At least that’s how we think she broke her leg. She got through the crate, then somehow got through the wooden gate that is supposed to be the second line of No-no Lulu defense in our house, got up on the dining room table, ate some mossy spheres I risked my fingers making, slipped off the table, crashed into a wall and broke her leg.
Seriously. All this happened while we ran to the store to get a sprinkler doo-hickey. We were gone maybe 20 minutes. I think you’re really starting to get why we call her No-no Lulu.
And you just know this happened on a Sunday. That’s because on Sunday, only the emergency vet in San Jose is open. So we came home, found poor little No-no Lulu on the floor surrounded by shredded mossy spheres, and rushed her to San Jose.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the emergency vet. It’s an interesting place. First of all, I’m glad it’s there. After all, what was I going to do with No-no Lulu on a Sunday with her leg dangling and whatnot? Secondly, I’m so glad I had somewhere to spend Junior’s college fund – you know, other than Junior’s college. Because seriously, each time someone said No-no Lulu’s name, I swear to you a cash register rang in the distance. So three hours later, No-no Lulu has seen the vet (ka-ching!), had x-rays (ka-ching, ka-ching!) and finally been bandaged with a designer purple bandage (ka-ching!). She is absolutely the world’s most expensive rescue dog. I’m thinking of applying to Guinness.
Anyway, turns out No-no Lulu, who does nothing halfway, had broken her leg at the elbow and required surgery. By a specialist. At this rate, Junior will be attending college on a scholarship for kids whose parents have spent their college funds on the dog. Yeah, I’m really hoping one of those scholarships exists.
Thankfully, our vet (Gilroy Veterinary Hospital, in case you were wondering – and yes, I think they rock) has a much smaller ka-ching than the emergency place. And No-no Lulu is doing just fine. Except that we have to keep her quiet and resting. For eight weeks. Eight very long, very difficult weeks. Have I mentioned she’s a puppy? And full of energy despite the tranquilizers I give her every day?
But the good news is No-no Lulu is starting to feel better. Just this morning I noticed that she tried popping the welds on the new wire crate in an effort to escape.
Oh, yeah. I’m pretty sure this test is never going to end.
