New teacher finds unexpected challenges, rewards
Editor’s note: Melissa McGrath, a first-year English teacher at
San Benito High School, was the subject of a profile in Pinnacle
Life just as school opened last fall. Here, she writes about her
first semester as a teacher.
By MELISSA McGRATH
Special to The Pinnacle
On Aug. 22, 2005, the first day of my new career as a teacher, I
felt prepared. I was fresh out of college with more theories and
strategies for effective education than I could possibly use, I had
romantic ideals of influencing young people’s lives, and I had
spent hours perfecting my classroom, complete with curtains and
photos to give a cozy atmosphere. My art supplies were labeled and
organized and I was so ready. To think back to that day now, four
months later, is almost laughable because there was so much that I
wasn’t expecting and wasn’t prepared for. I wouldn’t call myself
jaded, but I’m definitely grounded in reality now.
New teacher finds unexpected challenges, rewards
Editor’s note: Melissa McGrath, a first-year English teacher at San Benito High School, was the subject of a profile in Pinnacle Life just as school opened last fall. Here, she writes about her first semester as a teacher.
By MELISSA McGRATH
Special to The Pinnacle
On Aug. 22, 2005, the first day of my new career as a teacher, I felt prepared. I was fresh out of college with more theories and strategies for effective education than I could possibly use, I had romantic ideals of influencing young people’s lives, and I had spent hours perfecting my classroom, complete with curtains and photos to give a cozy atmosphere. My art supplies were labeled and organized and I was so ready. To think back to that day now, four months later, is almost laughable because there was so much that I wasn’t expecting and wasn’t prepared for. I wouldn’t call myself jaded, but I’m definitely grounded in reality now.
First of all, I didn’t realize that teaching would be so much like acting or public speaking…day in and day out. In some jobs you can hide in a cubicle or behind a computer if you so choose, but in this profession, you are “on” every day regardless of whether you feel like it or not. I’ve become quite polished at putting my teacher face on even when I have a headache, I’m tired, I’m grumpy, I have a stomachache, a zit, a family problem, etc. For example, a few weeks into the school year I had a terrible sunburn on my face and it was pretty embarrassing to conduct class as if nothing was out of the ordinary, even though my face was bright red but what else could I do? Some of my brave students asked me what happened…at least they tried to hide their laughter.
Another physical aspect of teaching that surprised me is that I hardly ever sit down during the day. During class I’m always roaming around the room, even if I’m not directly instructing my students, and when I don’t have class I’m inevitably walking across campus to make some copies or check my mailbox. This wouldn’t really be a problem except that I love to wear high heels, and I have struggled all semester with finding a happy medium between style and comfort. I haven’t found it, and style reigns supreme, so I’ll continue to walk a daily marathon in uncomfortable, yet fiercely fashionable shoes.
Another part of teaching that I wasn’t prepared for was the incredible acrobatic strain your mind goes through at all times. As a teacher I have to be simultaneously functioning in all tenses of time: I have to teach in the present, I have to evaluate work from the past, and I have to plan what I will teach in the future, and then try to seamlessly connect all of that. Let’s just say at the end of the day I sleep well, but even that is another hardship. I hardly get any sleep because my days are so long. I like to get to school early to take advantage of the quiet, sleepy campus to get some work done. After school it’s almost impossible to be productive because there are always meetings to attend, parents to speak with, students who need help, or teachers who drop by to chat. When the after-school rush calms, I head over to coach JV cheer practice which lasts anywhere from one-and-a-half to two hours. By this time it’s 6 or 6:30 at night and I’m starving. So I go home to eat and then usually come back to my classroom to clean up from the day and prepare for tomorrow. It’s exhausting, but I cling to the hope that over time it will get easier as I become more familiar with the curriculum and with what works and what doesn’t in the classroom.
Even more surprising than the physical exhaustion of teaching is the emotional exhaustion. I’ve learned that it’s not uncommon to experience an entire range of diverse emotions all in one day. For example, the most frustrating day I’ve had so far was when one of my classes was entirely out of control and disrespectful. After they left my room I didn’t know whether I felt more like crying or screaming, and before I could decide a student from a different class gave me a handmade card in which she expressed her admiration for me. She even told me that she wants to be a teacher so she can be like me someday. I still felt like crying, but now because I was so touched. I assume as I teach longer I will gain some emotional distance from certain events, but right now I feel every incident acutely.
I think the hardest part of teaching that I still can’t seem to adjust to is the level of apathy among my students. Enough of them seem to truly not care about their education or their future that it really alarms me. They are young adults with talent, intelligence, and quirky independence, yet they lack motivation to pursue academics. I’ve been killing myself trying to figure out how to inspire that motivation, but one thing I’ve come to realize is that regardless of how hard I work, if they don’t have any internal drive to succeed, then they will not. I will do everything in my power to provide them with the resources and guidance for achievement, but I cannot and will not do their work for them. There seems to be this attitude that if something is hard then they will refuse to even attempt it, but their giving up is unacceptable to me.
After one semester of teaching I am confident that this is a profession where I belong and where I will one day succeed, but I’ve realized it will take time for me to grow into the role of teacher. I want to be perfect, but I am not and that’s hard to deal with. So far it’s been more challenging than rewarding and I am tired. This experience makes me wish I had shown more gratitude to my teachers in high school.
