Bob’s tips for better TV
I don’t know why I just invested in a new high-def wide screen
with the most brilliant colors a television can deliver when all
this week all I got was black and white. On Monday every
black-and-white photo and news reel footage of a young Martin
Luther King and on Tuesday every living black celebrity at the
inaugural black and white balls. Then Netflix finally sends me my
Amos ‘n’ Andy film festival and Denzel Washington’s latest. Denzel
is my second favorite black actor. My favorite black actor is Pepe
Le Pew.
Bob’s tips for better TV
I don’t know why I just invested in a new high-def wide screen with the most brilliant colors a television can deliver when all this week all I got was black and white. On Monday every black-and-white photo and news reel footage of a young Martin Luther King and on Tuesday every living black celebrity at the inaugural black and white balls. Then Netflix finally sends me my Amos ‘n’ Andy film festival and Denzel Washington’s latest. Denzel is my second favorite black actor. My favorite black actor is Pepe Le Pew.
But from all this I hope I can save you some money on your purchase of a high-def flat screen. I live close to Circuit City, whose mayor happens to manage the Circuit City in Circuit City. Since he knew they were going to fold faster than Rosie O’Donnell’s new television series, he gave me some insider tips.
First, he took me into their dark room and … wait a minute! That’s a story for another day. The Circuit City showroom, like Best Buy and others, is designed to show you how good their most profitable sets are. Most of the dark room experience is just power of suggestion. The average person cannot differentiate between the costlier 1080 plasma sets and the less expensive 750 LCD sets. Sony, the biggest seller of plasma, is reportedly planning to stop using plasma.
While the plasma 1080 is technically better, it’s like owning a car that can go 400 miles an hour. So what? Except for the nuts on the Bolsa.
The difference as he turned up the lights is that LCD did not have any glare while the plasma does have a slight glare when the lights are on. We watch television with the shades up and at night usually with the lights on as we are multi-taskers as we read and watch the telly. The rare exception is when we watch “Jerry Springer” or “Cops” and we’re afraid one of our relatives will be featured. Aye chee waa waa.
So unless you’re a videophile buy the least expensive brand name. Do not buy the extended warranty as most problems with television will happen well within the first year. Don’t buy something they soak you for called calibration as just pushing a few buttons will save you $200 to $300 and don’t pay for some Geek Squad to install it. Hire the neighbor kid and save yourself the $150 they try to charge for that. A couple six-packs should do it.
What does “Consumer Reports” say is the consumers’ biggest regret? Not buying the next biggest size. Size does make a difference. Just ask Okra.
And if you’re all tapped out but want a Blue Ray DVD player, not to worry. Your old movies will look better than ever on your current DVD and the price of Blue Ray DVD players is falling faster than Senator Craig’s delicates.
In Greenfield, the broccoli capital, a father tried to sell his daughter and for the first time I sympathize. He sold her for a thousand cases of beer. Believe me, if you have ever been to Greenfield you’ll understand. Aye chee waa waa.
Answer to last week’s Quick Quiz for 200 bonus points was Dean Martin and Marlon Brando in the great fun war film “The Young Lions.” This week’s Quick Quiz is a little harder but wins you 569 bonus points. The first time I saw Clint Eastwood in person we were living in San Francisco and we walked down to Market Street the last time it was clean. That was 37 years ago. We attended the world premiere festivities for “Dirty Harry” at the grand old movie palace, the United Artists. They announced something strange that I have never heard before or since at a world premiere. They announced they had plenty of seats for the general public so everyone was welcome. Why did they do that? The answer next week. It’s a shocker.
My sister, Mary Louise, is the family cheerleader. Growing up in a dysfunctional family of nine we needed her Mary Poppins spoonful of sugar. She is still at it and on her 50th wedding anniversary card to us she writes “How wonderful it must be to have had 50 years of marital bliss.” Marital bliss? What the hell is she talking about?
But as Richard Nixon’s No. 1 fan I finally have forgiven her for marrying a Kennedy. That and the fact that she sent me 50 pounds of the greatest dried apricots I have ever tasted. You know how old people say things don’t taste the way they remember? Well, these dried apricots (slabs) from Gonzales Orchards, 55 Henry St., 637-1938 in Hollister, taste even better than I remember as a kid.
Here it is January and yesterday it was 85 in Hollywood and today it will hit 105. I’m lucky as I’m able to walk to the hottest club in Hollywood for a cold beer. The bar on Hollywood Boulevard is not necessarily exclusive. It’s just hot. The air conditioning broke in 1969 and he’s too damned cheap to fix it. Aye chee waa waa.
