It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a WASP!
It’s yellow, it’s bright, it’s got a chimney and it suddenly
seems to be a beacon for all wasps, hornets and yellow jackets in
the area. That’s right, our house is Ground Zero for all things
that fly and sting. We’ve had the usual pocket of cells in the eves
that The Husband can spray with repellant or a hose. But this was
something completely different. There was no hive, no paper nest.
Just a cluster of hornets, situated above our bedroom window. Only
at the time, I wasn’t sure what it was.
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a WASP!
It’s yellow, it’s bright, it’s got a chimney and it suddenly seems to be a beacon for all wasps, hornets and yellow jackets in the area. That’s right, our house is Ground Zero for all things that fly and sting. We’ve had the usual pocket of cells in the eves that The Husband can spray with repellant or a hose. But this was something completely different. There was no hive, no paper nest. Just a cluster of hornets, situated above our bedroom window. Only at the time, I wasn’t sure what it was.
From my vantage point on the ground, looking up, it just looked like a brown spot that needed to be rinsed off.
I already had the hose in my hand, since I was filling the water fountain and dousing some thirsty trees. I took aim with my trusty nozzle set to “jet” and let loose. All seemed well, until the brown spot literally began to fly away and then rain down on me below.
I was then trapped in a swarm of hornets that had been disrupted from “brown spotting” and were mad as…well, hornets. I let out a shriek like any self-respecting woman only armed with a hose would do and proceeded to spray and flail at the buzzing cloud. I began to feel phantom hornets landing on my bare legs and swatted repeatedly against nothing, while doing a dance worthy of Candid Camera.
I finally made my escape into the house and felt that sense of security, which almost always proves to be false.
Ah, they’re outside and I’m safe inside.
Until The Boy said, “There’s one in here!” and took off like he’d already been stung on the butt, up the stairs.
I barely had time to turn around to see what he was talking about, when I heard the slamming of The Boy’s bedroom door. He’d left me for dead. I was on my own. You could almost hear the crickets. Apparently, it’s every man for himself where hornets are concerned.
It was buzzing around the window next to the front door, so I opened the door to let it out, cursing The Husband all the while grabbing a broom out of the garage to usher the guest out of the house. Why is he at work, when I clearly need him here to do his manly duty? Isn’t he supposed to be My Hero? Why is he never here when I need him to be, but always here when I wished…well, nevermind.
The hornet finally found the exit and I closed the door, now chuckling at The Boy’s show; running holy heck up the stairs like that. I called him down and told him the hornet was gone and that there was no reason for such a display, as I stifled outright laughter. I reminded him that it might have been nice to have a little help in a situation like that. He was contrite.
The next day, I’d gone out to the backyard to reel the hose back up, after my Flashdance from the day before. Walking back into the house, I caught a glimpse of my left leg. There was a sizable wasp on it, walking around. I stifled my usual shriek and grabbed The Husband by the shirt as he was innocently walking by, en route to the fridge.
“Get it off!” He looked scared, and looked everywhere but where I wanted him to. Finally, he saw the reason for my hand, wildly clutching his shirt and chest hairs.
Where’s The Boy, you ask? Up the stairs like a shot. Again. The only thing he’d learned from our conversation the day before, was to run faster. The Husband told me to be still as he smacked me hard, on the calf, stunning the wasp.
Anyone who knows me, knows it took a huge amount of restraint to keep from running in circles, screaming.
The Husband did what all men do when confronted by a crazy person with an unnatural fear of bugs and a hold of certain body parts. The Hero once again.
