Give thanks for the Turkey
This is my favorite column of the year where I award my
first-time-ever 69th annual Turkey Award. This year the choice was
way, way too easy. My first time ever 69th annual Turkey Award goes
to San Benito County Supervisor Jaime De La Cruz.
Give thanks for the Turkey
This is my favorite column of the year where I award my first-time-ever 69th annual Turkey Award. This year the choice was way, way too easy. My first time ever 69th annual Turkey Award goes to San Benito County Supervisor Jaime De La Cruz.
De La Cruz said that the hotel he is helping to shove down the pinos of the citizens of Tres Pinos will be a baby step to a new San Benito County. I didn’t know we needed a new San Benito County; a new San Benito County supervisor by all means. I was born in San Benito County and it was the most beautiful county in California and still is. San Benito County’s neighbor, Santa Clara County, has thousands of hotels and motels and is the second ugliest county in the United States and parts of Bulgaria. If Jaime wants to change San Benito County into Santa Clara County why doesn’t he just move? All those willing to help him move please raise your hands. Wow! Hello U-Haul.
Hope all of you college students and other Hollister High graduates who are home for the holidays are having a great time. I know your momma is happy to see you and your laundry. I’m also happy you’re home because now I can answer that problem that has been bothering you ever since you graduated from Hollister High. No, not that one. An antibiotic or penicillin should clear that up. The problem I’m talking about is the one when you ask yourself why aren’t you progressing in the real world as fast as those who didn’t graduate from Hollister High, especially in matters of personal finance and business. It’s not your fault. It’s what you were taught at Hollister High. Recently the Hollister High cafeteria was not showing the profit the administration wanted as the students rightfully thought the food and prices were lousy. So what does the brilliant Hollister High administration do? Yep … raise the prices.
From lousy food to great food my favorite Pinnacle column is Becky Herbert’s “Rooted on the Farm” where she usually has a great healthy recipe to share. This past week she had a wonderful pumpkin pie that if I calculate the recipe right will take 15 hours to prepare. The problem is that I make a pumpkin pie from start to finish in three minutes and I’ll bet more people have enjoyed mine than Becky’s. First I start with a store-bought pumpkin pie on sale for $2.99 and I carefully scoop out all of the pumpkin and throw it away. Then I fill the empty pie shell with a rich vanilla ice cream and crumble a package of double-stuffed Oreos into the ice cream. I have met a lot of people who don’t like pumpkin pie but not one person who didn’t love mine. My son David is 36 years old and has never known better and he has always said that other people’s pumpkin pies taste weird.
Speaking of shortcut chefs I just love Rachael Ray but I dislike Chef Anthony Bourdain who is always ragging on Rachael because she uses too many shortcuts. I see no reason though why Chef Bourdain should get anything but my disdain as he has no reason to feel so superior. Disdain for Bourdain. He’s the chef who once said that he ate warthog rectum and didn’t like it. I graduated from Hollister High but even I can figure out that I don’t have to eat warthog rectum to decide that I wouldn’t like to. Aye chee waa waa.
I change telephone numbers about as often as I change my Omar the Tent Maker’s Fruit of the Looms. But some of the new numbers are not telemarketer-free so if you’re like me and find telemarketers right there along with the televangelists then just call 1-888-382-1222 and in 31 days you should be telemarketer-free.
Still laughing at that letter to the editor in the Pinnacle last week suggesting I run for President. On second thought I think I will as we need a real woman for President and believe me I’m much more of a woman than Hillary Clinton as she has gotten so butch that I think she has grown a male appendage.
Speaking of getting kicked out of town, that little old blue-haired lady suggested that I was booted out of Hollister. Nothing could be further from the truth except Hillary’s stand on illegal immigrant driver’s licenses. The City Council and supervisors were helpful when I moved a little over five years ago. They even came over and helped me pack up the 12 kids and four dogs in my 1969 Ford Pinto and the deputy, bless his soul, escorted me well into the next county. I felt the love. Is that your baton or are you just happy to see me? Aye chee waa waa.
Loved Lindsay Adamson’s High School Confidential column in which she answers a student’s question on how to get over a girl who dumped him. Her answer was much different than when I asked my dear old grandmother how to get over the first guy who dumped me. It was Thanksgiving and she took me to her ample bosom and said “Bobby, the fastest way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.” This is what life is all about: those precious memories that always bring a tear to my eye, especially at Thanksgiving time. I miss you, Nana.
