Sharon Stone goes commando
My name isn’t Earl but like that television character I am now a
strong believer in karma. When the definitive history of football
is written Jeff Garcia from Gilroy will always be remembered as a
gentleman and one of the best gutsy quarterbacks ever. Terrell
Owens who tried to destroy Jeff both professionally and personally
will be relegated to a footnote about as big as the smallest pimple
on Garcia’s
”
kulo.
”
Sharon Stone goes commando
My name isn’t Earl but like that television character I am now a strong believer in karma. When the definitive history of football is written Jeff Garcia from Gilroy will always be remembered as a gentleman and one of the best gutsy quarterbacks ever. Terrell Owens who tried to destroy Jeff both professionally and personally will be relegated to a footnote about as big as the smallest pimple on Garcia’s “kulo.”
Speaking of “kulo” that blue haired old lady was the first to send me a new year’s letter. “Mr. Venzykulo my grand niece is going to sue you. I always cut out your column and make copies and send them to friends and relatives. She lives near you in Hollywood and has starred in hundreds of adult movies. She didn’t appreciate you linking what she does with sluts.”
The old blue haired lady is right. Guess we should nominate her grand niece who has sex with hundreds of strangers for money for the Mother Teresa award. Aye chee waa waa!
And about the lawsuit. I haven’t had any money in the bank since I was in the Army, Eisenhower was president and Elizabeth Taylor was a semi-virgin.
Speaking of semi-virgins I saw Sharon Stone on Hollywood Boulevard at Antonio Banderas’ walk of fame celebration. Stone was preceded from her limo by two bull dykes that look like they came out of central casting. They were her security guards and believe me Mike Tyson wouldn’t have been as menacing. Except Tyson is much cuter. Stone was dressed in an outfit even I and most Hollywood hookers would be embarrassed to wear. No panties. Who does Stone think she is, Britney Spears?
The Los Angeles Times is no longer a great newspaper but still has great writers like sports writer Mike Penn. Mike writes that Frank Sinatra over 30 years ago predicted the losers in the first round of this year’s football playoffs. “New York, New York”. As in Giants and Jets.
Glad to receive copies of the Fifty Cent Lance as I enjoy reading Martin Cheek’s column. I don’t believe I have ever met him but his father, Raymond Cheek, was one of those few inspirational teachers who changed young lives for the better. I was a senior and didn’t have much money despite the fact that I always had one or two after school jobs. He overheard me say that after I rent a tux for the prom I probably couldn’t take my date out to a real nice place like the Blue Ox in Monterey. He called me in his office and said he owned a tux and since we were about the same size he would be happy to loan it to me. I almost cried. Not only was I the sharpest looking guy at the prom I was also flush with moola and able to dine at the Blue Ox. But more importantly I was so damned handsome and irresistible in Mr. Cheek’s tux that my date demanded that we get married. Oh how I hated to break Ivan’s heart.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote that Clint Eastwood’s Japanese language film “Letters from Iwo Jima” was the best anti-war movie ever made. Weeks before that I babbled about “Babel” as one of the best films of the year. This might lead new readers to my column to believe that I’m some sort of film snob. Only during award season. My favorite movies are old-fashioned black and white sci-fi films like “Creature from the African American Lagoon” or B war movies like “Battle of the Bulge” which I have seen 22.5 times. It is a hoot of a film that has little to do factually with that famous World War II battle. But the film was made for the giant Cinerama screen after they no longer used the superior deep vision three-projector system. When they switched to Ultra Panivision 70 with one giant lens they used gimmicks in the plot line to put you in the picture. The film starring Henry Fonda, Robert Shaw, Telly Savalas and Charles Bronson are always seen careening down some mountain road in a runaway jeep or being run over by a tank or being shot at by planes with you in the seat as though the Cinerama screen was your personal thrill ride. The film is perfect for grandpa and anyone who loves old-fashioned hokey war films and can be found for $9.99 or less. I bought mine at Best Buy for $4.99.
Why does life have to be so damned confusing? I have been confused ever since I was a kid and tried to figure out why the Saturday Evening Post came out on Tuesday. Now the two people I hate the most, Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell, are trying to make me decide which one is a more despicable human being. And they just got rid of my tie-breaker, Sadaam Hussein. Aye chee waa waa.
I knew that this was going to be a great year. The widow woman across the way just asked me to come over and worm her schnauzer.
