The chickens came home to roost
So San Juan Bautista has finally run out of gas. I don’t believe
it as the bean consumption in San Juan Bautista has got to be more
than Freeholey, Mexico. What? There is no such thing as Freeholey.
Aye chee waa waa!
The chickens came home to roost
So San Juan Bautista has finally run out of gas. I don’t believe it as the bean consumption in San Juan Bautista has got to be more than Freeholey, Mexico. What? There is no such thing as Freeholey. Aye chee waa waa!
You mean the only gas station in San Juan Bautista has pumped its last pint? And that seems to be the trouble. Locals were buying gas by the pint or just enough so they could drive 20 miles round trip to buy gas cheaper in Hollister. Honestly folks I don’t make this stuff up as everyone in San Juan Bautista is scratching their butts wondering why their local gas station didn’t make it while every gas station in the United States and parts of Freeholey, Mexico are making record profits. Gee my, San Juan Bautistans, do you think buying all your gas except for a token pint in San Juan Bautista had something to do with their going out of business? Now it’s no gas in San Juan Bautista except, of course, at the city council meetings.
And what’s with San Juan Bautista’s Mayor, Pricilla Hill, who after meeting our First Lady had to mention that Laura Bush has cold and clammy hands. What if Mrs. Bush was asked on the Larry King show what she thought about Priscilla Hill? Would she state the obvious? No because Laura Bush is a lady. A real lady who just happened to marry badly.
When Tammy Faye died, the cosmetic stocks must have gone to hell along with her. But when she and her former husband Jim Bakker lost the “Praise The Lord” money machine in disgrace, even for a televangelist, I really couldn’t blame them for scamming Christians. If people are stupid enough to send checks to millionaire ministers, but never give to the hungry in their own community, then they deserve losing their bank accounts. Praise the Lord, send a check, checkmate and amen!
Didn’t I tell you “Hairspray” was the film of the year but definitely not for those who hate musicals? It is one of those rare films that get better as it goes along and on the giant curved screen of Hollywood’s Cinerama Dome, unlike San Juan Bautista, it was a gas. What amazes me is that even the unknown actors were perfect. Even the greatest movies of all time have one or two weak characterizations but “Hairspray” is without one split end unless, of course, your eyes weren’t on Michelle Pfeiffer. Aye chee waa waa. I love white women.
Hooray to Carroll Scott, of Hollister, a patient at Northwest Nursing Home for complaining about their change in menu. Instead of hamburgers, fries, riblets, and chicken tenders, they now serve diet food and he says “Even if you’re not on a diet,” I mean, if you’re as close as I am to meeting the Big Chef in the heavens, why make them suffer the hell of someone’s interpretation of what’s good for you. Golden years deserve Golden Arches, not falling arches.
Love the Hollister police blotter as crime in Hollister is nothing like here in Hollywood. A Hollister man was told by his wife to get back into the house. The man instead called the police and told them to take him to jail. So why is that news? I know a lot of men who would rather be in jail than with their wives. Why do you think the jails are so full?
Still laughing at that headline in the Hollister Fifty Cent Lance. “County Can’t Afford Loss of Hollister Hills.”
Why of course not – one Gilroy on this planet is enough.
While San Juan Bautista just ended its first Chicken Festival, Carole Cherry, yes that Carole Cherry, of Hollister, sent me a brochure from her recent visit to Alabama. The Alabama Chicken and Egg Festival is as old as the first time anyone asked which came first. And here is a tip to San Juan Bautista why Alabama’s is such an eggciting event and makes everyone cluck all the way to the bank. They implore you to come out of your shell. The eggciting eggstravaganza included 100, that’s right, one hundred Bantam Roosters! Sorry I missed that, but just the thought of being able to see 100 Bantam Roosters in one spot has me scrambled. They also have a chicken clucking contest and an egg toss which could leave the yolk on you.
For about a week in my life I worked as a chicken plucker. What is funny is that people always remember that for most of my life I ran a little bookstore, video store and wrote a column for three newspapers. But any time I walk down the streets in Hollister or San Juan Bautista I still hear people whispering as I go by “There goes Bob the chicken plucker.” Well at least that’s what I think they are saying.
