Now that I have a college degree and a job that technically
renders me a
”
grown-up,
”
my friends from home who are still in school have been calling
me asking for advice.
I don’t remember them asking me for so much advice before I
graduated, which is a testament to the sagacious nature of a
diploma, I suppose.
Now that I have a college degree and a job that technically renders me a “grown-up,” my friends from home who are still in school have been calling me asking for advice.
I don’t remember them asking me for so much advice before I graduated, which is a testament to the sagacious nature of a diploma, I suppose.
Many of their questions focus on one subject. Why they think I know anything about this subject, I haven’t the foggiest.
But they ask anyway and I do my best to give the most prudent advice I can on a subject that single-handedly spawned the psychiatric profession.
Love.
I have three close girlfriends, all in different stages of relationship quandary, who frequent my services as honorary love doctor.
One is in a fairly long-term relationship, the other is in a brand new one and the third is single.
But they’re all in the same boat as far as I’m concerned. They’re completely confounded with the opposite sex.
You’re probably wondering what makes me so wise in the ways of the heart to even broach this precarious subject.
I will be the first to concede to having very limited knowledge of the utter conundrum that is the male species.
But in my own defense, I have experienced a thing or two which has given me a framework in understanding the basics of a relationship between two people.
Maybe it’s the fact that I consider myself to have actually been in love once – the kind that lasts through life and long after death.
Or maybe it’s because I’ve been out of the dating game for so long, I have become completely removed, thus heightening my objectivity and clarity of perception.
Either way, I feel compelled to share my not-so-extensive knowledge with the throngs of people who are as perplexed about love as my forlorn friends.
The first thing to consider in any relationship is equality.
One of my friends recently told me that she is considering leaving her job and her family to follow this new boyfriend to wherever he finds a job after he graduates in the spring.
What happens if you break up, what will you do then, I asked. Would he leave his family and his job for you, if the situation were reversed?
This equality issue is a biggie, especially with the boom in female independence we now see in the media and society.
I don’t care how secure and modern a man thinks he is – strong, independent, ambitious women scare the hell out of them.
Thousands of years of ingrained thought and behavior tell men they must be the bread-winner, the one with the final say, the true pants-wearer.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy feminist, all men are evil types. But it’s just as important that the woman has the same opportunities to be able to bring home just as much bacon as the man.
And more important, that she feel compelled to do so.
Another friend was talking to me about how she hopes her long-term boyfriend will get a good job when he graduates so she won’t have to work.
Yikes!, I yelled as I pulled at my hair and wondered if I’d just been catapulted back into the ’50s.
Second piece of advice: Whether it’s a four-year relationship, four day or for the time being, there’s no guarantee it will last, so always look out for No. 1.
This may sound contradictory to everything written in relationship books about compromise, but there’s only so much an individual can compromise and stay an individual.
Compromise on meals, clothing, movie preferences or whatever, but don’t compromise your future and personal well-being on someone else.
Lastly, a piece of advice that men, women, single and attached should adhere to: Do what makes you happy.
If you find yourself being attracted to someone your friends think is wrong or your mother doesn’t approve of, who cares?
Life’s too short to be worrying about what other people think, especially when it comes to love.
