”
Respect.
”
Otis wrote it, Aretha made it her own and many of us are just
trying to find a little.
“Respect.” Otis wrote it, Aretha made it her own and many of us are just trying to find a little. Rodney Dangerfield built his whole act around the lament, “I don’t get no respect!”
Many of us can relate to that feeling, but could it be we are just getting back what we’ve given out? Since the Bible says we reap what we sow, what kind of seeds can we plant that will cause us to be more respected?
One simple thing we can do is learn to be more tactful in our relationships. Proverbs 15:23 says “What a joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion!” Someone once described tact as the ability to make a point without making an enemy. Why be tactful? Because, “kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim” (Proverbs 15:4). Some people take pride in their ability to be “candid” when in reality all they are being is rude. Before saying something that may be hurtful, we need to ask, “What is my motivation for saying this?” If your intent is to hurt rather than help, don’t say it.
Another important step is to learn to be gentle rather than judgmental. How does God want you to respond when you encounter people who have no respect for God or His principles? Colossians 4:5-6 has some advice every Christian should follow: “Be tactful with those who are not Christians… Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.”
It never ceases to amaze me how some people can take the most positive, life-affirming message in the world, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and turn it into a negative message of condemnation, pronouncing self-righteous judgment in a way that makes the Gospel a giant put-down… “I’m saved; you’re not… I’m going to get pie in the sky; you’re going to die and fry!” No wonder so many don’t understand the love of God… I wouldn’t either.
That kind of self-righteous attitude is more akin to the Pharisees than it is to Jesus. He was gentle and kind and respectful. I think I like Billy Graham’s definition of evangelism best: “Evangelism is just one beggar telling another beggar where to get bread.” That’s saying that I’m no better than anyone else; I’ve just found something good I’d like to share.
God tells us to act with wisdom, which He says is “first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, approachable, full of merciful thoughts and kindly actions, straightforward, with no hint of hypocrisy” (James 3:17). The key is learning to be “tactfully bold.” Bold in the sense that I am not afraid to speak out for the truth, and tactful in the sense that I don’t alienate the very people I am trying to reach with the truth.
A great example is found in the life of a Quaker named John Woolman. In the 1700s many Quakers were slave-holders, and Woolman wanted to rid his church of the patently unchristian practice of slave-holding. But instead of loudly condemning those who owned slaves, he spent years going to their homes, winning their trust and friendship. Then he would ask them a simple question, “How does it feel to be a child of God and own slaves?” He was so successful in this approach that by the mid 1700’s, a hundred years before the Civil War, not a single Quaker was a slave-holder.
So how should I respond when others are disrespectful? Romans 12:17 says, “If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with a wrong. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”
I love the story of a Little Leaguer named Doug who, after his team had lost a game, was approached by the opposing team’s pitcher. The boy ran over to Doug, got right in his face, and said, “Your team sucks!” Doug came right back at him and said, “You pitched a great game.” The other boy was speechless. Doug had loved and overcome. And God smiled.
