Proverbs 25:28 says,
”
If you cannot control your anger you are as helpless as a city
without walls, open to attack.
”
Is there a way we can control our anger? The Bible says
”
yes,
”
and offers a simple seven-step plan. Last week we looked at the
first two steps; today we’ll explore the next five:
Proverbs 25:28 says, “If you cannot control your anger you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.” Is there a way we can control our anger? The Bible says “yes,” and offers a simple seven-step plan. Last week we looked at the first two steps; today we’ll explore the next five:
Step 3: Stop and think before reacting. Ever notice when you get angry your mouth runs faster than your mind? Few realize a sharp tongue is the quickest way to cut your throat. Proverbs 13:16 says, “Sensible people always think before they act…” The key word in anger management: think. How many times have you said something only to find yourself asking a few minutes later, “Why in the world did I say that?” Next time, think before you react! And to those who say, “This all sounds nice, but when I’m angry, I go out of control and can’t help it…” Yes, you can! Here’s proof: Ever been in a fight at home, yelling and carrying on…. and then the phone rings… You pick up the phone and say, “Hellooo…” Why did you change when you answered it? Because you wanted to change. Anger is a choice! Events do not make us angry; we make ourselves angry.
Step 4: Realize the cost of uncontrolled anger. There’s always a price tag for losing your temper. The Book of Proverbs says: “A hot-tempered person starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble” (29:22). “Anger causes mistakes” (14:29). “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left” (11:29). Here’s the point: Whenever I lose my temper… I lose. Only one letter separates the words “anger” and “danger.” Dangerous indeed!
Step 5: Learn to relax. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a person’s life.” Have you noticed when you’re uptight you are more prone to anger? Temper and tension always go together. If you want to learn to reduce your anger, you need to learn to relax. Schedule things into your schedule that relax you. Learn to lighten up and have some fun!
Step 6: Release your anger appropriately. Some people think we have a certain amount of anger and if we can get it out, if we can vent it, we will feel better. Various methods (e.g., primal scream therapy) have been introduced to accomplish this venting. There’s only one problem… it doesn’t work! Why? Because we don’t have just a certain amount of anger in us; we’ve got a factory! We just keep on producing it. Study after study has proven that aggression only produces more aggression and that anger only produces more anger.
The only appropriate way of releasing our anger is to confess it in a way that avoids the negative actions that further damage our relationships, and we move in that direction by taking the seventh and most important step in long term anger management, by re-patterning our mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The way I think determines the way I feel and the way I feel determines the way I act. If I’m acting angry, it’s because I’m feeling angry, and if I’m feeling angry it’s because I’m thinking angry thoughts.
Where do these angry thoughts come from? What we allow into our minds. We live in a culture that constantly tells us inappropriate ways to deal with anger. If you doubt that, turn on your TV tonight and do a little channel surfing; notice how anger is dealt with: You’ll see anger lead someone to use a gun or beat someone up or say something cruel, and we are being programmed to think this way ourselves! Anyone who says the media does not influence our thinking is either very naive or just plain dishonest. For better or worse, what we read, watch and listen to affects us.
Now the good news is this: Since anger is a learned response, it can be unlearned. How? By re-patterning your mind with truth. If you are really serious about managing your anger, here’s something real simple you can do immediately that will have positive results: Be more discriminating in what you allow into your mind (movies, TV, books, magazines, radio). Allow things in that are positive and God-honoring and avoid those which are not. Just this one simple step will produce amazing results. Try it, and enjoy the rest of your life!
