So the city had considered lending $1 million to an
architectural preservationist, Tim Lantz, who said he would restore
the historic Pendergrass Building
– a downtown anchor – to its 1927 luster.
So the city had considered lending $1 million to an architectural preservationist, Tim Lantz, who said he would restore the historic Pendergrass Building – a downtown anchor – to its 1927 luster.
Before I go any further on this uncharacteristically sober issue – as many of you will likely either turn the page or daydream while scanning through it – I promise to eventually offer my own scintillating scheme for the future of downtown Hollister.
As a preview, puppeteers are involved. Yup, now you’re hooked.
OK, so opponents argued taxpayer dollars shouldn’t be used because Lantz never presented a detailed plan. They also said he should try to obtain a bank loan. Three weeks ago, the City Council denied his request on those same grounds.
Since that controversial Council decision, it seems Lantz has succeeded in obtaining that private funding after all. Sounds like a good call by the Council members.
Now he says he may rent the first floor to a tenant who would open a sports bar, which could potentially draw much-needed consumer traffic downtown – the obvious reason being that people enjoy sports, food and drinking.
I’m one of ’em. My first love was basketball, my second was Little Debbie (the snacks), my third was football and my fourth was beer. Oh yah, hey, I’m from Milwaukee.
As an aside, the outside of the Pendergrass doesn’t look the least bit historic. It does, as one Hollister resident pointed out, resemble the outside of Jerry’s New York apartment building on “Seinfeld.”
Now, as I promised, I have devised a diagram to further improve downtown, which I’ll soon present to the Council. I may even do so with Powerpoint to really impress them.
Maybe the Council members, each splendid in his or her own right, would consider giving me the big fat loan I would need to develop my 4-step Hollister vision of the future, which I call “The Time is Now.”
First, next to The Vault restaurant I would build a giant Ferris wheel with a bright, flashing sign at its top that would read, “Welcome to Hollister: You’re one lucky dude!”
This would enhance downtown for two reasons. First, the obvious: Everyone loves carnival rides, and the ride would be employed by actors portraying British carnies who tear tickets, rarely shave and periodically curse – but only with the phrase “Bugga!”
Second, the Ferris wheel would perfectly complement my next idea, Phase 2, which is a 24-hour puppeteer stand on the corner of Fourth and San Benito streets. And this wouldn’t be your standard puppet entertainment. I would hire only professionals (apologies to Jed Logan, famed movie critic and recent self-proclaimed amateur puppeteer).
I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, let’s do this!”
But I’m not done.
Phase 3 of “The Time is Now” would entail a water slide starting on the roof of the Pendergrass, extending across the street and over The Vault, twirling through the Ferris wheel, and finishing next to the puppeteer stand on the lawn in front of the Briggs Building.
Finally, for Phase 4, I would open a “Seinfeld”-themed wax museum in the Pendergrass, which would be employed by out-of-work former “Seinfeld” actors.
And although none of these phases seem to share a marketable cohesiveness – and “Seinfeld” has no ties to Hollister, and you may think I need mental help – they do share the greatest of commonalties, and that’s fun.
Think about it: A Ferris wheel, puppet shows, a giant water slide and a wax museum – all within one block. This could be the start of something magical.
So Council members, if you could please spare $1 million, I promise to hire employees locally – including contractors, but excluding puppeteers and actors.
After all, I have abided by your simple request for an ordered plan – which, incidentally, I devised in about 20 minutes over a bowl of Frosted Flakes.
