As of this very minute, I have 2,534 unread e-mails in my
mailbox. Yes, I’m an e-mail packrat. A junky. A person who has
subscribed to virtually every e-mail list on earth. That’s me.
As of this very minute, I have 2,534 unread e-mails in my mailbox. Yes, I’m an e-mail packrat. A junky. A person who has subscribed to virtually every e-mail list on earth. That’s me.
My inbox is stuffed with things like “Last Day! 25 Percent Off All Sweaters” or “DOUBLE SAVINGS! FREE SHIPPING!” In fact, my inbox is so full of that junk, I often miss e-mails from people I want to hear from – like friends that aren’t trying to sell me last year’s Easter decorations for less.
The worst part is I created this e-mail monster. When the Web sites ask if I want to be informed abut online sales, I always say “yes.” Well, heck what am I supposed to do? I mean, of course, I want to be notified when something goes on sale. In this economy, who wouldn’t? It’s my duty as a citizen to bolster the economy by purchasing stuff on sale.
And then the e-mails started coming and at some point I just stopped reading them. And that is how I became the owner of an inbox stuffed with 2,534 unread e-mails. So I decided to straighten my life out and get control of this e-mail mess before I had to do what people have done for years – delete the address and get another one.
First on the deletion list are my e-mails from an online doctor. They’re all about nutrition – which sounds like a perfectly good e-mail list to be on, but consider this: for breakfast, I just scarfed down about a pound of leftover Halloween candy, followed by two cups of coffee. Do I sound like a woman who is overly concerned about nutrition? I don’t think so. Zap! I’ve unsubscribed to that mailing list. One down, 2,533 to go.
Next up, a gardner’s supply. Let’s see, I probably don’t need a riding mower. And I don’t have a veggie garden. I should probably unsubscribe. But … what if I need a riding mower in the future? What if the unthinkable happens and Harry suddenly decides we should move to the country and there I am, stuck out off New Avenue with no riding mower? Wait, that’ll never happen. I don’t do country. Or critters. Or even riding mowers. Zap. Only 2,532 remaining.
Hmmm, Pottery Barn. Yeah, in this new economy, I probably don’t need to shop as much. Except they offer decorating classes in their stores and the notification is online. And please, if you have seen my dining room lately, you know I need to take some classes. So that stays. But in exchange, I will unsubscribe from the online window-covering store. See how fantastic I am? I kept one, but unsubscribed from another. Oh, fine. I already have window coverings, so it’s not that big of a loss. On the other hand, there are only 2,530 left. Yeah, that’s not intimidating at all.
Ooh, there’s an e-mail for that diet I was on last winter. I lost 20 pounds on it. Unfortunately, the same 20 hunted me down and reattached themselves to my butt along with 10 of their very close friends. And no, I don’t think it was because of my not-so-nutritious breakfasts. Anyway, I don’t need to be on that mailing list. Yippee. Only 2,529 to go. Oh, boy. I think I’m getting tired. I might need a Twix to get me through the rest of this.
Hey, there’s a special invitation to “Popular Science.” Um, OK, that isn’t one I signed up for. Anyone who knows me understands that my knowledge of science is limited to … you know, to basically no knowledge whatsoever. So it’s outta here. Oh, and here’s one for a hunting magazine. Holy cow! How on earth did I get on that mailing list? Zap! It’s gone. Only 2,527 to go.
Oh, here’s one from my car dealership notifying me that my car needs service. Hey, it’s 2 months old. Clearly whatever needed fixing is fine, right? Another one gone. Oh, there’s one from Disneyland. Hey, there’s no way I can delete that one. I might need to see Mickey and friends as a reward for this harrowing experience. 2,526 left.
On the other hand, it’s perfectly normal to have 2,526 unread e-mails, right? So it’s fine to just leave them there while I take a break and check out a new Web site I’ve heard about that has sample sales in size six shoes every month. I just have to get on their e-mail list.
