Most of us make life way more complicated than it needs to be.
The world we live in is controlled by some pretty basic laws.
Most of us make life way more complicated than it needs to be. The world we live in is controlled by some pretty basic laws. Last week we looked at a few of them; today we’ll consider two more and attempt to answer the question, “Why am I the way I am?”
The first principle I must understand is that the most important and difficult battles I will fight will be with myself. The Apostle Paul had to admit this to himself in Romans 7:22-23, “I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.”
Jesus, in commenting on this internal battle, pointed out that most of us spend our time fighting the wrong enemy. In Matthew 7, he asks, “Why do you worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?”
Jesus was commenting on what is still one of humanity’s worst tendencies: We choose to be critical of other people’s actions rather than looking at our own shortcomings. This allows us to avoid responsibility for our choices.
A TV special I saw a few years ago highlighted the pervasiveness of this way of thinking. They told the story of the guy who was fired for always being late to work (once he came in 15 minutes before it was time to leave). He sued his employer for firing him… and won. Why? He had “chronic lateness syndrome.” Another man was suffering from depression because he had too much money. His doctor said he suffered from “affluenza.” How many of us want that disease?
We laugh and shake our head at the absurdity of this, but then we turn right around and play the “blame game” ourselves. Why? Because if we can find someone else to blame, we’re off the hook. Yes, circumstances influence us, but we ourselves decide whether we’re going to follow God or self, so ultimately we’re responsible. Know your enemy – look in the mirror.
This brings us to another law of life: people are what they have decided to be. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a person thinks within himself, so he is.” Why do people choose destructive lifestyles? Because they believe the reward for that pattern of behavior is greater than the pain it causes. In counseling sessions, I have, at times, had to stop asking a person, “How can we make your situation better,” and ask them, “Why don’t you want to change your situation? What kind of reward are you getting for having your life so messed up?”
Once I counseled a young man whose life seemed to be one disaster after another. Many approaches and solutions were tried, but all ended in failure. Finally I had to ask, “Why don’t you want things to change?” It turned out that he was afraid to try to succeed because he feared that he might fail. It was easier to blame “uncontrollable circumstances” for his problems. What was his reward? He was receiving lots of sympathy from his friends who agreed that his life was rotten and that he was not to blame. Thus he floated along for years without taking responsibility for his life.
In case you haven’t discovered it yet, here’s a simple fact about “uncontrollable circumstances:” All circumstances are uncontrollable! All you can control is your response to life’s circumstances. And it is in these responses that your character is defined.
All of us are hurting from one thing or another. And the bottom line comes in how we answer the question Jesus asked another hurting person almost 2000 years ago. “One who was there had been an invalid for 38 years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, He asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?'” (John 5:5-6). Jesus also knows your struggles, your disappointments, your pain, and He asks you the same question, “Do you want to get well?”
