Hello, it’s Kirby the dog again. Normally I wouldn’t hijack the
human female’s column
– but I have to tell you that woman is evil. Do you know what
she’s done to me? She got me a sibling. Yes, a puppy has come to
live with us. I can’t tell you how awful it is.
Hello, it’s Kirby the dog again. Normally I wouldn’t hijack the human female’s column – but I have to tell you that woman is evil. Do you know what she’s done to me? She got me a sibling. Yes, a puppy has come to live with us. I can’t tell you how awful it is.
At first, I thought it was a joke. Oh, there’d been talk about getting another dog, but nothing ever happened. Then one day, the humans took me to the shelter and introduced me to a nice dog that sniffed my butt a few times and then tried to eat my head. Seriously. She got my whole head in her mouth before the alpha male pulled her off me.
So I figured after the whole “look, the new dog is eating Kirby” incident happened that I was safe. No more sibling talk. I would remain Queen of the House forever. Yeah, no. The new dog’s name is “No-no Lulu.” Every once in a while it’s changed to something else like, “Lulu-oh-my-God-I-loved-those-shoes” and sometimes it’s been “Lulu-don’t-eat-the-plants,” but mostly it’s “No-no Lulu.”
Worst of all, she’s a puppy. Have you ever seen a puppy? They’re all frisky and cute and endearing – to everyone but a non-puppy. And this one makes the humans laugh, which I don’t like one bit. She leaps around the house like a deranged bunny with these huge ears flopping all over the place and she’s completely uncoordinated. Seriously. What kind of dog leaps from the floor to a chair, knocks herself in the head and then does it again?
And let’s not even get into the fact that when she’s doing all that leaping, she’s doing it on my turf. That’s right. I own that family room. I own that nice, comfy chair by the TV where I can watch “Animal Planet” all day long. No-no Lulu doesn’t own that chair. Yeah, so it turns out I was wrong about that too. The minute she saw my chair, No-no Lulu had to have it. My chair. Mine. The chair from which I rule the humans. So there was no way in heck I was going to give that up to No-no Lulu.
And yet somehow that scruffy little scrap of fur was in my chair. Hello? Am I the only one who knows this was wrong? And she had all the toys. All of them – including my personal favorites, old stinky socks stolen from the boy.
I’m telling you, this whole sibling thing is not good. So I did what any normal canine whose name was not No-no Lulu would do. I spent my days in the backyard, refusing to come in the house unless meals were being served. And even then I would come in the house and act all sad and martyr-like while No-no Lulu jumped all over me and slobbered on my ears.
But after three days it started to rain and I have to tell you – the whole martyr thing doesn’t work well when you’re miserable. Oh, yeah, I know that when you’re a martyr you’re supposed to be miserable, but between you and me, part of the fun of martyrdom is being able to enjoy it. And I just couldn’t do that while rain was pouring down on me. Plus, I had just had my monthly day at the spa and I didn’t want to mat up my fur.
So I came in the house. And No-no Lulu acted all happy and excited to see me. Yeah, she was excited all right. So excited she peed on my foot. Hello? Does she not understand that I have standards? No peeing on the manicured foot. And to think I was worried about the rain.
So I went to my nice, soft bed to lie down in front of the fire and what do I discover? No-no Lulu had peed there too. This is serious. That girl stole my toys. She stole my chair. And she peed in my bed. Where did she come from? Look, I lived in the shelter for a time and I can tell you, the first rule is “don’t pee in another dog’s bed.” In case you are wondering, the second rule is, “don’t put another dog’s head in your mouth or you won’t get adopted.”
Anyway, it looks like I’m stuck with No-no Lulu. And don’t tell anyone – but she’s kind of fun. When she isn’t stealing all the toys, of course.
Laurie’s Note: If you are looking for a new dog, please consider the animal shelter or the Dog House Inn in Gilroy. DHI works with a rescue organization and is where Lulu was living before her adoption.
