It was a one-in-a-million roommate disaster and, frankly, it was disturbing. Two years ago, a man with whom Rose Foronda shared her rented, Oakland, four-bedroom home
”
lost it,
”
Foronda says. He left one day and never came back. Two weeks later, when Foronda and her other housemates became concerned about the welfare of the man’s pet snake, they went into the room and found filth.
It was a one-in-a-million roommate disaster and, frankly, it was disturbing. Two years ago, a man with whom Rose Foronda shared her rented, Oakland, four-bedroom home “lost it,” Foronda says. He left one day and never came back. Two weeks later, when Foronda and her other housemates became concerned about the welfare of the man’s pet snake, they went into the room and found filth.
“It was disgusting,” she says. “There were stacks of dirty plates, cigarette butts, bullet casings. We even found buckets of urine in the room.”
Foronda and her housemates paid someone to clean up the mess and she learned a valuable lesson: Pay attention to your inner voice when you are interviewing someone you eventually will share a home with.
“I had a thing in the back of my head, a reservation,” Foronda says of the man’s initial interview. “But it was a panic decision, a ‘you have to move in now’ type thing.”
USING STRATEGY
Whether for company or, more often, to help pay bills, especially in a slumping economy, many adults live in shared housing situations – bedrooms, homes, apartments or attached in-laws. Finding the right person to live with is half gut feeling, half research.
Jason Martin has a strategy for finding roommates, and it’s not scientific. The 29-year-old financial adviser has had roommates since he was 18, and currently shares a five-bedroom San Ramon home with three others. It’s “cheaper and more entertaining” than renting a one-bedroom apartment to live on his own, he says.
Martin values a safe, friendly living situation. “I want to make a house where people want to come over. When my friends and family come over, I want them to feel like they want to be there,” he says, acknowledging that picking the right housemates is a tricky endeavor.
Like thousands of others, Martin posts ads on Craigslist under the “rooms/shared” category in the housing section. His ads are richly detailed – four paragraphs long with a description of the house, its current tenants and expectations of the person he’s looking for. Martin appears to be a relaxed guy. He says he doesn’t mind parties on weekends, and the seven pictures on the ad reveal a tidy, well-furnished living space with tan couches and a kitchen recycle bin.
GOING FOR THE GUT FEELING
When a potential housemate sends him an e-mail, he asks the person to call him. Then, Martin says, he doesn’t pick up the phone. He listens to the voice mail and “if they sound like someone I’d hang out with, I call them back.”
The few who pass this test are then invited over. When Martin meets them, he goes with his gut. “Usually within the first two minutes I can tell if it’s someone I want to live with,” he says.
Martin, like so many others, has had difficult living situations before – times when he says he should have continued looking. But, as he repeats the process, he is honing his skills at figuring out the complexities of such an intimate arrangement. He has even paid the rent on an empty room for a month or two because he didn’t find the right person to sublet it.
Mary Lou Podlasiak, former high school guidance counselor and author of “Rules for Roommates: The Ultimate Guide to Reclaiming Your Space and Your Sanity,” says “birds of a feather flock together”-type thinking is the best way to pick and choose roommates.
“Hippies and preppies don’t work. Divorced dads with weekend visitation won’t work if you don’t have kids and can’t relate,” she says. “It may seem silly, but you need to ask questions such as, ‘What kind of music do you prefer?’ I have lived with a country music lover and found myself plotting to get rid of her.”
Podlasiak has had many housemates and she says some of her worst situations happened when she was in a hurry to find a renter.
“Unless you’re just desperate to share the bills, you may want to take time,” she says.
Time, and a clear conversation about your values and what you want, are key to building a lasting living situation.
RELAXING A LITTLE
Foronda says she has learned since filling a room with the messy snake owner. She never rents a room in a time-sensitive panic anymore. In fact, she says, she and her housemates are in a “position of power” because people want to live with them in what she describes as a mansion in a nice neighborhood in the Oakland hills.
That’s why, Foronda says, she and her housemates are willing to endure several rounds of interviews and several Craigslist posts to find the right fit.
“It’s a delicate balance,” she says. “You can’t really totally know somebody – until you totally know someone.”
