Still waiting for Daphne Zuniga
I believed everything I saw in those teen comedies when I was
growing up. I didn’t have any problem believing the 5-foot
4-1/2-inch Michael J. Fox could end up with 5-foot 8-inch Helen
Slater in
”
The Secret of My Success
”
(1987) or that Cindy Mancini could fall in love with Ronald
Miller (Patrick Dempsey) after he paid her $1,000 to be his
girlfriend in
”
Can’t Buy Me Love
”
(1987).
Still waiting for Daphne Zuniga
I believed everything I saw in those teen comedies when I was growing up. I didn’t have any problem believing the 5-foot 4-1/2-inch Michael J. Fox could end up with 5-foot 8-inch Helen Slater in “The Secret of My Success” (1987) or that Cindy Mancini could fall in love with Ronald Miller (Patrick Dempsey) after he paid her $1,000 to be his girlfriend in “Can’t Buy Me Love” (1987).
Because I believe I’ve spent my whole life waiting for Daphne Zuniga. I’m now 41 and still waiting, but there is hope. After all, Miller grew up to become Dr. McDreamy on television’s “Grey’s Anatomy.”
I’m not sure what I can do to find Daphne, though. I can’t turn into a wolf like Fox did in “Teen Wolf” (1985) and I haven’t been a teen in a long time. It wouldn’t be a good idea to go to the mall and offer pretty girls $1,000 to be my girlfriend, either.
My favorite ’80s romantic comedy is “The Sure Thing” (1985), starring John Cusack and Zuniga. I like this movie because she falls in love with him for who he is – in most chick flicks, the girl changes the guy into the man she wants him to be. In “The Sure Thing,” Alison Bradbury (Zuniga) doesn’t ask Walter Gibson (Cusack) to change.
That’s the difference between a chick flick and a bromantic comedy, a new term I just learned. A bromantic comedy is told from the guy’s point of view. Some recent bromantic comedies are “Knocked Up” with Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen, and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” with Jason Segel, Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis.
I’ve tried to live my life according to these types of movies. I’ve been waiting for a nice simple girl, just like the kind you find in those movies. Bromantic comedies taught me that you don’t want the beautiful girl you fantasize about. You want the pretty girl next door, the one who likes you for who you are.
Something happening soon in my life would make a good plot for an ’80s teen movie – the perfect girl for me is marrying one of my friends this summer and I’m invited to the wedding. So if it were a movie, what should I do?
Should I wait until the part when the priest asks if anyone objects, jump up and yell out “I do!” Then I could run down the aisle and grab her away from her tall, good-looking fiance and sweep her into my arms.
Or should I wait until the reception when I’m a little drunk and my best friend tells me, “Dude, if you love her, go get her.” Then I hop into a taxi and race across town to the airport to stop them from getting on their plane to France or Hawaii. I tell the cab driver to step on it and I give him an extra $20.
Then there would be a scene of me running through the airport jumping over luggage and pushing people out of my way. Just as they are about to board the plane I’ll run up and shout out her name. She’ll look at me. I’ll have on my puppy dog look. She’ll tell her husband she’s sorry and run to my waiting arms. As I embrace and kiss her, OMD’s “If You Leave,” the theme from “Pretty in Pink” (1986), would start playing.
That’s what could happen if I was C. Thomas Howell and I knew Lori Loughlin (“Secret Admirer” 1985), but I’m not. I don’t. And this isn’t a movie. It’s real life. I’m a 41-year old security guard with a bad back, high blood pressure and no health benefits.
Besides, my best friend is my dog, Dusty, and he’s not invited, and I’m pretty sure he would never use the word dude.
So I’ll go to the wedding and smile when I’m supposed to. I’ll go the reception and pray there is an open bar.
When I get home I can put “The Sure Thing” in the DVD player. Before I fall asleep, I can think of Daphne Zuniga. I still have hope.
Just a little.
