The other Pinnacle Awards
I’d like to acknowledge everyone who stuffed the ballot box in
our Pinnacle Awards deal. You know who you are. You had relatives,
customers, and Cub Scout troops fill in your business so it would
come out on top. Some of you filled out hundreds of ballots on your
own.
The other Pinnacle Awards
I’d like to acknowledge everyone who stuffed the ballot box in our Pinnacle Awards deal. You know who you are. You had relatives, customers, and Cub Scout troops fill in your business so it would come out on top. Some of you filled out hundreds of ballots on your own.
Some people feel this is unfair. That you cheated. That you are a little on the oily side.
I tell those people to stop wringing their hands and wetting their beds. This is capitalism. We cheat. America was nurtured by people who knew how to get ahead by cutting corners. Not as much as Australia, which was created by outright criminals, but when it comes to getting ahead by cutting in line, America is the standard against which all nations are measured. China was catching up but got caught making toys out of lead.
With this in mind, I’d like to state that none of my choices for Best Of in San Benito County made the offical list. I filled out the form, made thousands of copies, and sent them in. The editors refused to acknowledge them. They said my ballots could not be authenticated.
I told the editors that we elect supervisors in this county without authentication and by showing up days late with boxes of ballots, so big deal. But they stood firm.
So I have no choice but to go public with my votes. Here then, are the real winners in this Pinnacle Awards thing:
BEST PLACE NO LONGER IN HOLLISTER: That’s right, the bowling alley. There’s a really cool Honda dealership in its place. But bowling is nearly extinct in California, and we will regret driving them out. Office bowling parties are way better than office Christmas parties.
BEST UNSUNG VIEW: Park Hill. Sure, Park Hill is also the best place to get mugged or to drink after dark, but on a weekday at lunch a quick hike to the top leads to a glorious view of Hollister and the San Juan foothills.
BEST GRAFFITI COMING INTO TOWN: As you approach the bridge leading to Fourth Street and Hollister, a couple of identification signs are sprayed over. If martians advancing upon Hollister headed for the bridge, they’d take one look at these signs and say “these people dislike their own town, let’s attack Moss Landing instead.”
BEST DMV: The Hollister DMV is the best in the world. I’ve gone in there and not had to wait, and the service is friendly and terrific. Ever been to the DMV in Watsonville, San Jose, or Capitola? That’s right, it’s like having a walrus sit on your head. I only go to the Hollister DMV.
WACKIEST GOVERNMENT: I love the San Juan Bautista government. It’s like “Survivor,” or a David Lynch movie. They dislike each other, they dislike everyone else, they are unable to fill out forms that lead to lucrative water deals. They leak their children’s poetry to the press.
BEST DOG IN SAN BENITO COUNTY: My neighbor’s dog ate their telephone. Not a cell phone. A real phone. That’s a special dog.
WORST LEFT TURN: If you try to turn left onto Fourth Street from Monterey at 3 p.m. on a weekday, you’ll make the turn at 5 or 6 p.m. You’ll have time to do homework or a play a few games of “Battleship” with the kids. You won’t be making a left turn, however.
BEST BUDGET DESSERT: The chocolate eclairs from the Elegant Touch are the size of aircraft carriers and taste better. One eclair can feed a family of eight for a week.
MOST ODD PLACE: We rode our motorcycles to the mine at New Idria and a lone dude walked out of the underbrush in fatigues, tank top, and wrap-around shades. We know New Idrians, um, discourage visitors. We were prepared to die. Instead, the guy gave us a tour, provided a history lesson, and encouraged us “to look around.”
BEST TACO FOR UNDER $2: I mentioned this before, and I’ll do it again – Marshall’s Grocery in Aromas has the best tacos anywhere, and they are less than two bucks. I’ve eaten hundreds of them.
Well, that ought to do it. If your favorite company or restaurant or establishment didn’t win this year, there’s always next year. And if it looks like they may come up short at the ballot box, don’t be afraid to vote many times. It’s how we get ahead in this country. We elect presidents this way.
And always remember, it isn’t cheating until you get caught.
