Now, a
few modest propositions
Yes on 64. No on 72. Yes on 70. No on 61. Stop crime. Save the children. Give us our slot machines.
If all these propositions are starting to make your brain ache, you’re not alone. So to help remedy this situation, I’ve come up with even more propositions for you to remember. I’m nice like that.
After gaining the required three local signatures, eight sports-related proposals have been drawn up for the good people of South Valley. And just recently, this newspaper’s sports editorial board (um, me) met to discuss our newspaper’s endorsements.
So without further ado …
Proposition 1A
Shall the Major League Baseball bylaws be amended to include a provision demanding the long-awaited end to each and every curse – starting, of course, with the oldest?
Recommendation: Yes. Everyone wins, starting with my beloved Cubbies in 2005. And hey, after the White Sox and Indians have their fun, it’ll be the Giants’ turn in 2008. Think about it. Isn’t that a quicker plan than the 49ers are offering?
Proposition 59
Shall the Constitution be amended to include the public’s right of access to meetings between Niners owner John York and Niners general manager Terry Donahue?
Recommendation: Yes. We have a right to know just how this once-proud franchise was driven into the ground. And if there’s any hope of digging them back up.
Proposition 60A
Shall the sale proceeds from the USC-Cal football game be used to stage a December rematch?
Recommendation: Yes. And maybe this time the better team will actually win.
Proposition 62
Should voters ever again have to suffer through ads from state senate candidates they can’t even vote for?
Recommendation: No. What does this have to do with sports? Well, I can’t even watch ESPN anymore without seeing Peg Pinard and Abel Maldonaldo. If you’ve turned on your TV once in the last two months, you’ve surely seen them. Planes. Banjos. Strawberry picking. I just can’t take it anymore. Go away.
Proposition 63
Should a 1 percent tax on all local males be established to convince Jeff Garcia’s girlfriend, Carmella DeCesare, to move to Gilroy permanantly?
Recommendation: Yes. Fellas, listen to me – not T.O. DeCesare, better known as Playboy’s Playmate of the Year, is an absolute knockout. Don’t vote with your pocketbook this time.
Proposition 65
Should the ranking of CCS football teams by the San Jose Mercury News require football fan approval?
Recommendation: Yes. Not that there’s a pro-San Jose bias or anything, but Gilroy beat previous-No. 3 Palma and moved up just one spot. Meanwhile Palma, which De Le Salle couldn’t even beat, completely dropped out of the top 15 after (gasp) a loss to Gilroy. Ridiculous. Also, if Prop 65 passes, they’ll be a full-blown investigation as to how Justin Sweeney and his 301 yards warranted a mere “honorable mention” in the Athletes of the Week section.
Proposition 66
Should the “Three Strikes” law be limited to Oakland Raider fans?
Recommendation: No. This doesn’t go far enough. Are we forgetting the Oakland Raider players?
Proposition 67
Should ticket prices increase to help end the latest NHL lockout?
Recommendation: No. Let the multi-millionaires deal with their own mess. If the league wants to die a slow (but picking up steam lately) death, then so be it. At least we still got our Warriors!
Don’t we? Wait, they’re still around, right?
Brett Edgerton is a sports writer for South Valleynewspapers. He can be reached at bedgerton@
gilroydispatch.com or at (408) 842-6400 ext. 218.
