Imagine the day when you can walk into a bank and ask for a
$1million loan. No plan necessary and no plan required. That’s
right, just walk into the bank and say I have a great idea that
would really benefit me and for $1 million, I just might tell you
what it is.
Dear Editor:
Imagine the day when you can walk into a bank and ask for a $1million loan. No plan necessary and no plan required. That’s right, just walk into the bank and say I have a great idea that would really benefit me and for $1 million, I just might tell you what it is.
The banker would of course fall out of his chair, roll around the floor and call his associates so they could also hear the great joke.
Actually, there was a time during the ’80s when banks were making these types of loans, but of course they all went bankrupt. Guess who had to pick up the tab? The taxpayers.
Flash forward to the new millennium and to the City of Hollister for the newest upcoming loan debacle. It has somewhat of a new twist, but this is how it works: go to the City of Hollister and ask them to give you $1 million (to pay yourself) to renovate a historical building in downtown.
When they ask the question, what will you do to the four-story building and how long will it take to renovate it?
Don’t worry, just answer with “I don’t really know, but I have lots of awards to show you.”
Any awards will do, just gather up every award you ever won, pig-feeding contests, relays, when you lost your first tooth. People just love awards and they may just be impressed, after all that’s what Enron did to prove it knew how to provide the energy California needed a few years ago.
If for some reason the city doesn’t bite on the first go-round, don’t worry, just listen to what they want and then repeat it, just like a parrot.
Yeah, I think I’ll make it into a hotel now – no – how about assisted living space – no – senior housing. Well, just tell me then, what will it take to get the money ($1 million) from you.
In case any of the City Council members asks you if you’ll make all the needed safety improvement necessary to protect the 400 people that may be in the building at any given time, (remember the Rhode Island club fire?) Of course, I do that on all the houses I work on.
After all, you can get out of it later with all of those beautiful historical building code loopholes.
Another thing that’s very important to say while you’re at the City Council meeting is that if the city doesn’t give you the money ($1 million) the building will never get renovated. Yeah it’s a lie, but a good one. Of course you can get the money from a bank, but then you would need a plan that would show how you’re going to make this venture into a success.
Trust me, the way to go is through the city. They’ll give you a low interest loan that you can string them out on forever and after you get your money you can always claim you need more or you’ll go bankrupt.
Besides if you don’t take the money now, the city may just use it for some crazy projects that will benefit the public, such as building senior housing, affordable housing, sewer treatment plant, highway bypass, improve the sidewalks – blah blah blah.
Remember, mum’s the word.
Ignacio Velazquez,
Hollister
