I’m confident I could walk into a college-town bar without
swarms of 18- to 22-year-olds staring at me while thinking,
”
Who let the old dude in?
”
I’m confident I could walk into a college-town bar without swarms of 18- to 22-year-olds staring at me while thinking, “Who let the old dude in?”
So today, being one year removed from the University of Wisconsin, I’m offering a taste of reality, I mean advice, to students from San Benito’s graduating classes of 2003 attending college.
The adjustments can be broken down into five general categories: food, freedom, studying, booze and the opposite sex.
I hope this doesn’t sound like an article from Boys Life or Seventeen, not that I know anything about those magazines.
Diet: If you eat like I did, get used to a steady diet of ramen noodles, generic macaroni and cheese, pizza, grilled cheese, tuna melts, frozen beer sticks, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sugary cereal and Lipton noodles. OK, I didn’t really eat the beer sticks.
Freedom: Yes, mom and dad will no longer be yelling, “Turn down the music!” And you’ll have much more free time than you imagine.
But freedom carries a host of possible downfalls as well. For instance, avoid an extensive daily TV schedule and obsession with MTV. I’ve seen many peers lose addictive battles with the likes of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “The Simpsons,” “Jackass” and a host of reality shows. Don’t be a victim.
There is also more freedom of expression in college. Regarding that, I have only one bit of advice: Please, don’t walk in public yapping on a cell phone saying things like, “Oh my god, I am so busy!” or, “I was so drunk last night!”
Studying: I didn’t study as much as I should have in high school, and I’m assuming many of this year’s graduates didn’t either. Unfortunately, that strategy won’t work in college. There’s no more glancing at notes five minutes before exams and still getting decent grades. There’s no more getting a quick rundown of the chapter from your buddy, Chip. Not in college, bucko! Hit those books.
Booze and the opposite sex: All right, so I’m slightly exaggerating by combining these two subjects into one. But only slightly.
Most college guys who regularly attend parties and bars desperately try to “hook-up” with a random girl.
Most college girls who regularly attend parties and bars realize most guys are there, desperately, hoping to hook-up. It’s quite an entertaining dynamic. Pitiful, yes, but it’s as amusing as improvised comedy, or “It’s Showtime at the Apollo.”
Many students will go to parties their first weekend at school, and 90 percent of those people will wake up the next morning and say, “I am never drinking beer again.”
Of that 90 percent, about 75 percent will go out and drink again that night. Many will repeat that senseless pattern for three years until they realize they’d rather sit at home and watch Jack Black movies.
Above all, don’t be shocked by anything. Also – get used to walking; enjoy the long vacations now because you won’t have them for another 45 years; East Coast students like to smoke Parliament Lights and wear North Face brand jackets; at times, you will probably hear – or feel – weird noises from others’ rooms; some students will become enlightened naturalists who wear dread locks in their hair; nobody keeps track or cares what clothes you wore the previous week; and nobody cares how funky you can spike your hair with gel. Good luck and have fun.
Kollin Kosmicki is a Free Lance staff writer. His column appears every other week.
