We all want relationships that will not only last, but grow
deeper over time. Unfortunately, we often sabotage this goal
because we don’t realize the value of patience.
We all want relationships that will not only last, but grow deeper over time. Unfortunately, we often sabotage this goal because we don’t realize the value of patience.
Why is patience so important? Because everyone is different, and these differences create misunderstandings. 1 Corinthians 2:11 reminds us that “No one can really know what anyone else is thinking or what he is really like, except that person himself.” Unfortunately, we often assume we know exactly what others are thinking and feeling and that they, somehow, know what we’re thinking and feeling.
One of the worst assumptions we make is to think that the message we are sending is always the same message that’s received. Did you know that the 500 most commonly used words in the English language have over 14,000 definitions? Some words have over a hundred different meanings!
In order to successfully deal with the inevitable misunderstandings that life brings, we need to learn patience. God gives us four simple steps that lead to patience.
First, I need to remember how patient God is with me. God’s patience toward us is to be an example, so next time you’re tempted to tell your kids to shut up and grow up, remember that God wants to say that to you sometimes. Remembering how patient God has been with me has really helped me expand my own patience.
Step two in becoming patient is to learn by listening. Proverbs 14:29 says, “A patient person has great understanding.” The better I understand you, the more patient I will be with you. If I don’t understand you and you don’t understand me, what kind of relationship will we have? The best way to understand someone is by learning to listen. Proverbs 18:13 says, “Listen before you answer. If you don’t you are being stupid and insulting.”
Have you ever been guilty of not listening before answering? Since God gave us two ears and one mouth, maybe we should listen twice as much as we talk. Bullfrogs are structured in a way that when they open their mouth to croak, they can’t hear because the noise cancels it out. Hence, the Bullfrog Principle: It’s hard to listen with an open mouth. Most of us go through life waiting for other person to shut up so we can start talking. But we need to learn to listen to others so we can understand them if ever want improve our relationships.
A third principle that leads to patience: make allowances for each other. Would you agree that we all have bad days? Since on any given day we are going to encounter people having a bad day (or week, or year, or life), we need to head into each day ready to be gracious. Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults, because of your love.” That can be a challenge sometimes, but, again, remembering how patient God has been with you can really help.
A fourth step to developing patience is the golden rule: Always treat others as you’d like them to treat you (Matthew 7:12). This is a very easy verse to understand, yet a very difficult one to practice. We enjoy being on the receiving end of this principle, but our selfishness sometimes gets in the way of applying it to others. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so preoccupied with myself that I don’t pay attention to others.
How can you move your attention from yourself to others? By applying Philippians 2:5: “Let your attitude toward life be that of Christ Jesus.” That’s the real secret of patience. Jesus lived a life that embodied the four steps we’ve been looking at, and when we practice them, we are cultivating the attitude Jesus had about life. This, in turn, will develop patience in us and allow us to avoid the misunderstandings that so often damage our relationships.
Henry Harris is Senior Pastor of Rolling Hills Community Church in Hollister. Your questions and comments are appreciated. Write him in care of the church at 330 Tres Pinos Road, Hollister 95023, e-mail him at
ha**@ga****.com
or call 636-5353.
