Second born doesn’t mean second best
Being the second child has its advantages and disadvantages. On
the plus side, a second child can learn from the mistakes of their
older sibling, or get away with more because they are
”
the baby.
”
On the downside, there are the expectations of being as good as
their older brother or sister, and the questions about why there
are 37 photo albums chronicling every moment of big brother’s early
days
– not to mention studio portrait shots – but very few of
them.
Second born doesn’t mean second best
Being the second child has its advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side, a second child can learn from the mistakes of their older sibling, or get away with more because they are “the baby.”
On the downside, there are the expectations of being as good as their older brother or sister, and the questions about why there are 37 photo albums chronicling every moment of big brother’s early days – not to mention studio portrait shots – but very few of them.
I was the first-born in my family, and therefore clearly the favorite (that’s what I tell my sister, at least). My wife is the oldest of six siblings, and her brothers and sisters respect her, maybe fear her, and look at her as a second mother.
My first-born son got all the new baby clothes and the cute shots at the Sears Portrait Studio. By the time his brother came along about two years later, the older one had the built-in advantage of being the first to “graduate” from preschool and later ride a bike and make an all-star team and go to high school. He was my parents’ first grandchild and he was the first to get braces and start growing facial hair.
My younger son has always had to follow in his path, either trying to live up to the expectations or dealing with parents who came to realize they didn’t need to shop at Baby Gap when hand-me-downs worked just as well.
Why pay $100 for a studio photo session at the mall when we can take pictures with our digital camera?
Yes, your older brother wore that same school uniform shirt but it’s clean and there’s no reason to buy a new one.
In some ways, it’s a raw deal being the second born.
My younger son, however, has some great advantages because of his place in the family tree. Older siblings always feel the younger one “gets away with everything,” but they are the first to defend or protect them.
If there’s a fight, particularly among boys, the older one gets the blame, or at least gets told that he should have been wise enough not to let it escalate beyond words. If there’s a question on homework, the older one – who has already taken these classes – has to help, even if he’s “tired” and has tons of his own homework to do.
My younger son had an older brother with whom to play catch or tackle or try to catch up to, and that has made him a battler in athletic competitions. They still go at it on the backyard basketball court and in Whiffle ball contests on the lawn, many of which end with one of them storming in saying “I’m not playing with him anymore” or telling us to “tell your son to play fair” or proclaiming “he’s a cheater” as they pound their way to their room. The next day, they’re at it again, the anger forgotten, the brotherly love back.
Last year my older son graduated eighth grade, leaving his brother to follow in his athletic and academic wake. This week, our baby – the one who has fewer pictures in the album and more hand-me-down shirts than his brother, did the same. It may not have been as easy for him, but he battled his way through, like he always has with everything.
He respects his big brother, though he’ll rarely acknowledge that. Those backyard battles and living room shoving matches and kitchen counter homework sessions paid off with him reaching another milestone of success – one that is no less important despite him not being the first sibling to accomplish it. And big brother respects the younger one and is proud of him, something he reluctantly acknowledged this week.
There is some advantage, perhaps even glory, in being the first sibling to do everything. But there is also pressure and expectations.
Being second is not the same as being last. There is nothing wrong with following the path laid out for you by your predecessors. And, yes, there may be fewer photos of you in the photo album, but you are no less important and your accomplishments no less significant – even if you do them wearing hand-me-downs.
Adam Breen teaches newspaper and yearbook classes at San Benito High School and is a reporter for The Pinnacle. He is former editor of The Free Lance. He writes a blog at
