Live free and spend hard
Biker dude, welcome to town. Park that $20,000 machine right
here. Hang that $40 helmet on a handlebar, and peel that leather
off, because it’s hot.
Live free and spend hard
Biker dude, welcome to town. Park that $20,000 machine right here. Hang that $40 helmet on a handlebar, and peel that leather off, because it’s hot.
Relax, get comfortable. Have some shaved ice. Yes, there are folks in town who say you are obnoxious, and that loud pipes don’t actually save lives. But you know what? Those people have left town. There is no one here to stop you from riding free and living free.
Although last year there was. Seemed like there was more law enforcement than motorcycles. Packs of enforcement types handed out citations not normally seen in these parts, particularly when you consider that Hollister meter maids have gone the way of the Indian motorcycle.
But let’s live in the moment here. This is California, after all. This is your town for the weekend. You’re here, so we welcome you.
We welcome you to this street. San Benito Street needs you. It needs people. Most days of the year there isn’t much in the way of pedestrians. During the work week downtown pedestrians play a thrilling game called “crossing the street.” It has something to do with a highway running through the downtown.
We have been told – since about the time the Emancipation Proclamation was signed – that there will be a “bypass” to relieve the situation. Some folks believe this will make downtown pedestrian friendly. Others believe this will make downtown deserted.
But it is nothing for you to worry about. For now, you are here, like ants on sugar, frat boys on a beer keg. You are born to be wild, and for a few days, San Benito Street is the eye of the bad-ass hurricane.
But while you are here, we ask a few small favors. Nothing much. Little things that will improve the quality of life in our downtown.
First, show us your wallets. We appreciate your generosity in allowing us to view your various body parts and tattoos, it’s an interesting break from the usual dress code around here. But what our downtown really needs is your money. Desperately. While you are here, take a look around. Yes, it’s quaint. It’s classic California architecture and charm. Check it out.
But there is quite a bit of, say, emptiness. Some of these buildings don’t have businesses in them. Others could use a shot of capitalism. Some of them are looking a bit run down. So while you’re here, how about stopping in to buy a few things? I know, I know, most of the locals go to the outskirts – or to Gilroy – to buy stuff, but there are good deals to be had right here at bad-ass Ground Zero.
I’ll be glad to make a few suggestions. You already know about Johnny’s; it’s the place to go for a cold one. If this is the Birthplace of the American Biker, Johnny’s is the heartbeat. There are plenty of places for good eats. Try the Running Rooster, or the Hard Times Cafe, or Main Street Bistro. If you’d like to watch a ballgame, check out Cheap Seats Pub & Grub. And I’d like to add that The Elegant Touch makes the best cookies in California.
You can also buy western wear, books, flowers, burritos, running shorts, jewelry, and other useful items. Take something home to the kids. Fill up your saddlebags. We appreciate your business.
Another thing you can help us with is this coyote problem. If you’re driving into town and see a coyote attacking a member of our livestock community, go ahead and shoot it. The county would appreciate it. We have been told there is no money for anything, yet the county managed to come up with the cash to fund a couple of “wildlife” experts who will help us with this coyote pest problem we didn’t know we had.
So feel free to pitch in.
Actually, I’m only kidding about the shooting thing. Please leave your piece at home. Instead, buy a shaved ice. Or if you really want to help our county, fill out grant applications to fund the smoothing of potholes in our county roads. We wouldn’t want you to bottom out in one.
One last small thing. If you’re walking around and see a parking meter, please feed it spare change. The city warned us that if the sales tax proposal didn’t pass, we could kiss goodbye police, fire, lawnmowing, and pizza delivery personnel. You know how the Raiders did last year? That’s how the sales-tax proposal did in the election. So if you guys put enough change in the meters, maybe we can still get pizzas delivered.
Actually, there is one thing you do NOT want to do while in town. I don’t suggest running for public office. I know you’re a bad-ass and all, but elections here are like a Saturday night in the drunk tank – you’re not sure what happened, but you know you are out a lot of cash, and folks will no longer say ‘hi’ to your dog anymore.
So again, I want to thank you folks for coming. I, personally, welcome you. Yes, we are from different riding cultures. I wear a full-face helmet. My leather jacket has back, shoulder, and elbow armor. My bike is Italian. But I say let’s all get along for a few days.
After all, this is America’s birthday. Let’s celebrate our similarities. My bike is a cousin of yours – a big twin. It is loud. It starts most of the time. It has enough torque to climb a telephone pole. And really, you guys are friendly on the road. You wave. Euro-bikers are too highly educated to wave. The kids on the sport bikes are too high on hormones to understand the beauty of small social graces.
So enjoy the mingling of your clans. Take it easy on us. Spend. Eat shaved ice. Maybe by the time next year rolls around our county government will have this coyote situation ironed out.
