That’s my elbow on TV!
My friends in Hollister have ruined the Oscars for me once
again. Ever since I moved to Hollywood from Hollister every year
because of the time difference between Hollister and Hollywood they
call and let me know who has won before we know here in the Kodak
Theater. That is the reason Sean Penn didn’t look the least bit
surprised as my cell phone from Hollister let me know Sean won
minutes before. Did you see my elbow on national television as I
nudged him?
That’s my elbow on TV!
My friends in Hollister have ruined the Oscars for me once again. Ever since I moved to Hollywood from Hollister every year because of the time difference between Hollister and Hollywood they call and let me know who has won before we know here in the Kodak Theater. That is the reason Sean Penn didn’t look the least bit surprised as my cell phone from Hollister let me know Sean won minutes before. Did you see my elbow on national television as I nudged him?
When is Easter this year? Christmas is always on the 25th of December and the Fourth of July is always on July 4. But some people can’t figure out Easter. Obviously they didn’t graduate from Sacred Heart School in Hollister where in first grade we were taught by Sister Mary Knucklerapper when Easter fell. Ask any Sacred Heart of Hollister school kid or any graduate and they will tell you like I will once again by heart when Easter falls.
In the Western world, Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the first day of spring, unless of course the date falls on the first day of the Jewish Passover festival. In which case, Easter is moved to the next Sunday. Is that so hard for you to remember? My knuckles have scars to prove it. Thank you for the whack Sister Mary Knucklerapper and yes, God is sweet and compassionate Sister.
Why would anyone even think of moving to Los Baños? Well, their mayor, Tommy Jones, at least knows what the people want. He recently announced that his next speech will be shorter than the last. Aye chee waa waa.
Hollister’s new councilman, Victor Gomez, will one day be a great mayor. In days of yore our leaders had to shout things like “I regret that I have but one life to give to my country.” In these dark financial days even Barack Obama can’t give us a catchphrase with much hope. We don’t look for much so that is why I rejoiced when Hollister Councilman Gomez said, “we’re heading in the right direction.”
Just the fact that we have one politician in this country who knows the right direction is refreshing. Praise the Lord, and praise Victor Gomez. We’re heading in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t need to fire until we see the whites of their eyes. Sometimes all we need to know is in what direction are the whites of their eyes.
Someone who doesn’t know the right direction is that governor who says he’s too proud to accept any money from the government’s stimulus package. Thank God we have a governor with no pride. Gov. Schwarzenegger says, “I’ll take it and I will take his too.” I love you Arnold. You’re no visionary but what the hell, we’ll take what we can. Can we use the stimulus to the state to give the Assembly a raise?
Sadly, the daily news in Hollywood is beginning to sound like Hollister. Two young men were shot and killed. They were attending the funeral of two young men who were killed a couple of days ago. On the bright side the gang members are making it easier on the morticians as they bring their business right to his front door. Aye chee waa waa … dos mas. No waiting.
In Hollister you’re lucky to have Premiere Cinemas with plenty of screens at el cheapo prices. But one that may not show there is the great foreign film, “The Counterfeiters.” Just as you think they can’t make a film about the Nazi concentration camps that you haven’t seen along comes a story about the roundup of Jews from various camps who know the printing trade and the counterfeiting game. They are brought together in one camp to make the perfect American dollar which will be flooded throughout the world, thus destroying its value. Just like Bush. I was in Tijuana last week to see the donkey show and for the first time the doorman looked at my hundred dollars American and said, “Pesos, por favor.” Aye chee waa waa.
So they give Jerry Lewis an honorary Oscar for his raising money for Jerry’s kids. So why don’t I get one? I’m the founder and chief fundraiser for EDA – Erectile Dysfunction Awareness. “Fundraiser” might not be the most accurate term.
Loved that headline on the Free Lance Sports page. “Lady ‘Balers turn back Trojans.” And that is why they are ladies … or it’s the reason why I suffer from lexia dys. Aye chee waa waa.
