Criminal escapades in San Benito
Still laughing at the San Juan Bautista city unleaders
cancelling a Chinese cultural event for fear, as the Hollister 50
Cent Lance puts it,
”
Fear of protests similar to those on the streets of San
Francisco, London and Paris.
”
Criminal escapades in San Benito
Still laughing at the San Juan Bautista city unleaders cancelling a Chinese cultural event for fear, as the Hollister 50 Cent Lance puts it, “Fear of protests similar to those on the streets of San Francisco, London and Paris.”
I love San Juan Bautista. I even had the good sense of choosing it as my birthplace but comparing it to San Francisco, London or Paris? Besides what is a Chinese cultural event in San Juan Bautista? Take-out food from the Orient Express?
If you have recycled your life to being green as all those stories in The Pinnacle advocate let me warn you that the only green you will see is when you’re parted from the green in your wallet. Aye chee waa waa.
I have the final say on all you Beatle fans who don’t believe the Monkees were more artistically creative. Just listen to the lyrics of “Hey, Hey We’re the Monkees” with “Imagine” or “Yesterday” and don’t you dare get me going on how wise John Lennon was. Name one Monkee who would have been dumb enough to marry Yoko Ono. Double aye chee waa waa.
Headline in the Hollister Twice-A-Week Daily “Farmer Reports (67) Cherry Trees Stolen From Orchard.” This is a far cry from when we were kids and got yelled at by some old geezer with a shotgun for stealing a few cherries from his trees as we walked to school. But I did love the farmer’s curse on the tree thief: “I hope the guy gets oak root fungus and the trees die.”
Don’t laugh. When I was stationed on Okinawa I got a case of oak-root fungus and that was before Madame Currie discovered penicillin. Glad they didn’t prune my twig.
But I did love the sheriff department response to the theft of 67 cherry trees. Farmers are urged to pick up free “Agricultural Watch” signs from the sheriff to place on their property. Yep, just like those “Neighborhood Watch” signs that stop crime in Hollister. Aye chee waa waa.
And the district attorney’s race in Hollister gets hotter and hotter as a judge chides District Attorney Candice Hooper for slowing down the legal process in San Benito County. Yes, I know the D.A. position is not on the ballot this election but lawyers in Hollister are already changing their business cards with the words “district attorney” added to their names. Cantu, can do? When Hollister threw out John “By the Book” Sarsfield they didn’t know they were trading him in for Candice “What Book?” Hooper. Book ’em, Dan O. Please, at least some of the bad guys.
You don’t need a dirty bookstore in Hollister as long as the 50 Cent Lance keeps writing those lurid sexual escapades of that bad boy former sheriff’s deputy and now a new one to rival that the Hollister woman having sexual relations with her stepson, and an accused murderer. Larry Flynt’s “Hustler” can’t be sold in some stores in Hollister but the 50 Cent Lance can. God, I love this country.
Loved that Hollister headline across three-fourths of the front page: “Sheriff Revives a Cold Case.” Hell, I do that every night but I don’t go calling the press.
Thank goodness for the power of movie critics who warned us to stay away from “Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay” as according to them it is not as good as the original “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle,” one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies. The sequel last week made more in one week than the original made in its entire run. So much for the power of critics. Hooray for Hollywood.
But let me save you some money and, more important, valuable time at the video store or Netflix on these just-released-to-DVD movies, both nominated for Best Picture and a half dozen other Oscar nominations. “Atonement” was like a bad made-for-television movie on the Lifetime channel and “There Will Be Blood” was the second most boring film I have seen since I was on Okinawa and had to endure the Army’s health department film series on oak-root fungus and your twig.
Shirley Temple just turned 80 and she is still more popular than Hannah Montana. And she did it without having to take her clothes off. And I pray to God she doesn’t start now. On the Good Ship Ben Gay. Aye che waa waa.
