Do they get ESPN in prison?
I’m sorry but I have morning ablutions that take longer than
Nicole Richie’s jail sentence.
Do they get ESPN in prison?
I’m sorry but I have morning ablutions that take longer than Nicole Richie’s jail sentence.
Whitey finally nails our first Mexican-American attorney general, the honorable Alberto Gonzales. He was forced to resign by pinko, pervert commie-loving Democrats who couldn’t stand this truthful man. And make no mistake about it, he was a truthful man. I think it was on April 1, 1969. Aye chee waa waa.
And I also think Michael Vick is getting the short end of the stick and he better hope so when in prison. I think that Vick should be allowed to play football, but for the Oakland Raiders. When he underperforms he should be treated like he treated his dogs that underperformed: electrocuted, shot and drowned. Have to admit that would be a bigger ratings half-time than seeing Janet Jackson’s semi-small breast. And did I mention neutering?
Speaking of neutering, what is a penis worth? Well, a 4 ½ footer sold for $8,000 and I don’t mean at an Elton John concert. It belonged to a 12,000-year-old walrus. Can you imagine his Viagra bill?
Back to Michael Vick as I just read Mike Lupica, the New York Daily News columnist who hit it right on the nose. “Michael Vick doesn’t just need better friends. He needs the kind Barry Bonds has. Bond’s guys go to prison. Vick’s guys try to send him there.”
I hate re-makes, reason No. 69. The 1957 Western “3.10 to Yuma” was one of my all-time intellectual Westerns. Well, as intellectual as I could be at 17 years old. The film was a taut cat-and-mouse game between a poor but honest rancher and dastardly personification of charismatic evil – Glenn Ford in his best role ever. According to the producers of the remake coming out soon, they expanded the story.
I have seen clips and expanded must mean violence, despite the fact that the first film had none. Now the new film may be a perfectly fine Western or even great, but why call it a remake if they changed the film and from the new story line I read not just the addition of violence but major plot differences.
I can see remaking a lousy movie in hopes of improving it, but remake a perfect movie? Get ye to a good video store or Blockbuster and rent the original. I understand they were really going to update it and make it about an air marshal awaiting the 3:10 Yuma flight but since the film demands that the train arrive precisely at 3:10 you know no one would believe an airplane arriving on time. It’s called progress, folks.
Love Willie Nelson’s reply when a good friend was moaning about how much his divorce cost. Nelson said, “divorce costs a lot because it’s worth it.”
A couple weeks ago I wrote about that Hollister senior citizen who complained that the old folks’ home changed their meals from happy meals to what some idiot with a little bit of knowledge thought would be more healthy meals. How about mental health, you ding dog? Anyway in New York the seniors were revolting. Aren’t we all? They tried to take away their daily donut.
I’m sorry, but like most of those senior citizens I have half of my fat arse already in the casket. If you think taking away my morning donut is doing me a favor or adding one minute to my life you health nuts are dumber than I think. And quite frankly, I think you’re pretty damned dumb. You go through your life depriving yourself of pizza, beer, donuts and a Ho Ho (Just don’t let your wife find out) once in a while but leave us Happy Mealers alone. I never met a vegetarian who was any nicer or more civil than a carnivore and as I keep reminding you Hitler was a vegetarian and never drank. I never did trust Hitler very much.
Loved Andy Rooney putting it all in perspective the other day. When I had my little bookstore in San Francisco it was a mess and don’t even talk about the back room or my office space. But I outlasted five nearby neat freak bookstores. Rooney says “there is something offensive about someone who is too well organized.” And a new poll proves Rooney and me right.
People with organized offices are less productive than those with cluttered offices. Aye chee waa waa, is that my pen or a churro?
