Some interesting statistics about anger: Men lose their temper
twice as often as women (men an average of six times a week, women,
three). Women are more often angry at people, while men usually
become angry with things (tools, delays, etc.) Single adults are
likely to get angry twice as often as marrieds. The most common
place for people to get angry? Home. The most likely recipients of
that anger? You guessed it, the family.
Some interesting statistics about anger: Men lose their temper twice as often as women (men an average of six times a week, women, three). Women are more often angry at people, while men usually become angry with things (tools, delays, etc.) Single adults are likely to get angry twice as often as marrieds. The most common place for people to get angry? Home. The most likely recipients of that anger? You guessed it, the family.
Most of us learn how to express our anger by watching others (parents, TV, friends). There are four basic ways people express anger. If you look carefully, you will find yourself in one of these:
First, there is “the maniac.” He is a walking time bomb, a person just waiting to explode, ready at a moment’s notice to go out of control, to throw things, yell, curse… a living powder keg. The perfect Bible example of this type of anger is Cain, history’s first recorded murderer. “Cain became furious and he scowled in anger… and while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him” (Genesis 4:5,8). The maniac explodes, but usually has immediate regrets. Do you know (or resemble) anyone like that?
A second type of anger expression could be called “the mute.” This person is the exact opposite of the maniac. She holds everything in, denying she is angry and concealing her feelings. She bottles up the anger, but eventually it comes out, often in physical illness (ulcers, migraines, etc.). Dr. F. I. McMillan, in his book, “None Of These Diseases,” lists fifty-one illnesses directly attributable to holding in anger. A good Bible example is Jeremiah. In reflecting on his situation, he said, “I stayed by myself and was filled with anger. Why do I keep on suffering? Why are my wounds incurable? Why won’t they heal?” (Jeremiah 15:17-18). He’s saying, “I’m holding it in and it’s killing me!” Ever heard someone say, “That burns me up!” He’s probably right.
A third type of anger expression could be called “the martyr.” Here’s the pro at pity parties. The martyr is self-punishing and passive. When someone gets angry, he says, “It must be my fault.” The number one sign of a martyr is depression, because depression is usually internalized anger. A good biblical example is the Prodigal’s brother: “The elder brother was so angry he wouldn’t go in to the party. So his father went out and pleaded with him” (Luke 16:11).
A fourth type of anger expression could be called “the manipulator.” This is the Lee Iococca version of anger (When he was fired by Ford, he said, “I don’t get mad; I get even!”). When angry, the manipulator says, “I will figure out a way to get you back.” It’s the wife who “accidentally” burns dinner, the husband who “forgets” an important commitment to his wife, the friend who says something hurtful, and then says, “I was just kidding.”
Religious people often choose this approach (it appears more “spiritual” than just exploding). You can pretend to be nice and then cut people down behind their back. A good example in the Bible would be the Pharisees. When Jesus exposed their hypocrisy, the Bible says, “they were beside themselves with anger, and started plotting how they might get even with him” (Luke 6:11).
Well, there is a brief overview of the four basic ways people express anger. Did you find the way you express anger in one (or some combination) of these four? I’ll bet you did. All of us get angry, but we show it in different ways. Next week we will look at how to avoid anger’s usual destructive path and, instead, channel it in a constructive direction.
