Finding independence from kings and moms
Today is Independence Day, the day on which we celebrate
breaking away from Great Britain more than 200 years ago. Becoming
independent is never an easy thing, even on the smallest of
scales.
This year, my oldest son started driving, graduated from high
school, was accepted to a good university, and found a summer
job
– granted, with a bit of assistance from me – but powered by his
own initiative.
Finding independence from kings and moms
Today is Independence Day, the day on which we celebrate breaking away from Great Britain more than 200 years ago. Becoming independent is never an easy thing, even on the smallest of scales.
This year, my oldest son started driving, graduated from high school, was accepted to a good university, and found a summer job – granted, with a bit of assistance from me – but powered by his own initiative.
This is all well and good. After all, that’s the goal of raising children, isn’t it – to have them spread their wings and fly away?
This summer, however, we seem to be in a bit of a holding pattern.
I’ve lost a son, but gained a roommate.
I am used to having him around – a lot. Even after he got his license, he didn’t do a lot of gallivanting. Now that it’s summer, though, he’s gone most of the time.
He is working, and he and I get up in the morning around the same time. My younger son is sacked out, a victim of too many late night video games. But Ross and I get up and chat for a moment, and then off he goes.
That’s around 9 a.m. Then I don’t see him again until 10 or 11 at night.
I know his schedule. After work, he hangs out with his friends. I know them and they’re good kids, so I don’t worry about what they might be doing.
But sometimes I don’t see him at night, because I’ve gone to bed. I do hear him come in – it’s the sixth sense of motherhood.
Independence. It does take some getting used to.
I am starting to realize that his going away to college in the fall is going to make a much bigger difference than I thought it would. Hunter and I will have to adjust to being just the two of us. It’s going to be a lot quieter around here.
And I will have a certain measure of independence as well. That’s a mind-blowing concept when you’ve had a kid around for 18 years or so. Now, I can actually go out and do things with other grownups if I want to. Even at night. Of course, that might involve staying up later than 11 p.m., but that’s another story.
Independence. Our country has had its own growing pains. It was not easy, in the 1770s, getting away from the parental influence of England and its king. And so, even now, Ross still wants to lean on me.
There’s money, of course. Even though he’s making his own, he’d rather have me spend my money on him. It’s a hard habit to break.
And then he still needs a hug now and then. That’s not anything I’m going to discourage. The colonists never went looking for hugs. Even if they had, I doubt the redcoats would have distributed any.
Sometimes, when we’ve missed each other in passing at home, he calls me. Just to say hi.
I’m glad he’s having fun this summer, being with his friends, and having his time with them. Soon, they’ll be scattered in all directions as the next step into adult life unfolds.
But at the same time, I’m glad he’s not totally independent. Not quite yet. I might be ready for it later on, but not right this moment.
