Hoping to change careers, get married and drop 20 pounds before Valentine’s Day?
Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Most of us default on our new year’s resolutions, and it’s hardly surprising. We aim too high and expect immediate results. Experts say it’s time to re-evaluate our approach.
“The way we go about resolutions doesn’t really work,” says Mike Robbins, a life coach and author of “Focus on the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation.” “People have these great intentions but they don’t have any support, structure or accountability to make them happen.”
Instead, use Dec. 31 as a day to put closure on the past year, reflect on what you accomplished, what you learned and choose something to let go of, Robbins says.
That way, come New Year’s morning, you’re ready to start fresh and devise precise, goal-oriented resolutions rather than murky intentions such as “spending more time with the kids,” Robbins says.
Be sure to write down your resolutions. Tape them to the wall. Share them with someone, and check in every few months to stay on track.
Making smaller, attainable resolutions that grow with you – and making more of them – is going to ensure you meet your goals in the long run, says Trisha Calvo, executive editor of Shape magazine.
“What you should be doing is making specific actionable promises to yourself that you can actually keep,” she says.
Below, the experts tackle five common resolutions and offer realistic alternatives.
Weight loss
Dropping double-digit pounds or multiple dress sizes can be unrealistic. Instead, resolve to walk an hour five days a week, or trade an afternoon Frappuccino for a skim milk cappuccino, Calvo says. See the changes as a lifestyle. Or, maybe for you, start off with one day a week, and work your way up.
Remember, a safe measurement of weight loss for most people is one to two pounds a week, Calvo adds. Each pound should be celebrated. “Congratulate yourself with small rewards – a new book, a relaxing day, great running shoes,” she says.
When it comes to eating healthfully, cutting back on portions or bringing an apple to work every day are obvious resolutions. Less obvious: Eating more slowly, and not eating in front of the TV.
“When you sit down and focus on your meal, you get more than the substance,” Calvo says. “You get the aroma, textures and flavors, all of which contribute to satiety.”
Other easy resolutions: Eat breakfast.
“It triggers a metabolic boost that lasts all day,” Calvo says. Also, get calorie smart. Most people don’t realize how many calories are in common foods, she says.
The most important thing to remember?
“If you go to a wedding and chow down or eat all the bread in a basket, don’t use that as an excuse to give up,” Calvo says. “Tomorrow’s another day.”
Love/relationship
Setting your sights on getting married this year? That’s a lofty goal if you’re currently unattached. Instead, resolve to get out there more by joining a group or signing up for online dating, says Terry Fitzpatrick, chief operating officer of the Boston-based matchmaking service the Right One.
If you’re in your 20s, join groups and get involved in charities. For example, in an election year, one of the best places to meet “like-minded singles is to join a political campaign,” Fitzpatrick says, adding that online dating is another great choice for 20-somethings.
Online dating and groups are fine for people in their 30s and beyond, but they tend to have fewer single people in those age groups, Fitzpatrick says. It’s a good time to consider consulting a matchmaker, especially if you seek expert advice in other areas of your life.
No matter your age, if you live in the suburbs, get out and go where the action is, Fitzpatrick says. You’ll meet people walking to the corner store. Above all, keep this resolution realistic. If you have a list of 10 must-have qualities, resolve to broaden the flexible ones, such as age and height, Fitzpatrick says.
You’ll be glad you did.
Finances
Proclaiming this as the year you’ll get rich could result in disappointment. Instead, promise to save more money, or finally join your 401(k).
The good thing about numbers is that you can track them, Robbins says. So whether you want a higher salary or a specific revenue for your business, you need to have a number in mind. Close your eyes and imagine it. Pretend it’s the end of 2008 and brag about the financial goal you met, Robbins says. “It helps people to visualize it.”
If you’re trying to save money, set up a separate account so you can track it. Then break up the amount. Putting away $416.66 a month isn’t as daunting as saving $5,000 this year.
“Set yourself up for success by using daily, weekly and monthly goals as ways to get there,” Robbins says.
Remember, if your resolution is simply an action-item – joining your company’s 401(k), lowering your cable bill – then it’s just a matter of doing it. “Action items are 100 percent up to you,” Robbins says.
Career
Set on finding your dream job this year? That can take a lot of research and long-range planning. To start, update your resume or promise to apply for at least one job a week.
If you want to change your current work situation, you must first get clear about what you want, Robbins, the life coach, says. Something new and bold, like your own business? Or a complete career switch?
This is when reaching out and seeking a little help or advice can yield results, Robbins says.
“Our view of ourselves is so distorted, and very few people are naturally good at things like negotiating or selling themselves.” As the saying goes, it’s all about networking.
Ask yourself: What’s my ideal work situation given the reality of my life? Start broad and then zero in on your goal, and how you can make that happen, Robbins says. If you want a raise or promotion, seek the advice of a mentor, life coach or higher-up friends in similar industries.
Remember, if you tell just one friend about this resolution, the friend will never let you forget it.
“Friends give you a kick in the butt or a hug when you need it,” Robbins says. “Just when you want to give up on your search, they send you an email or phone call and reignite the flame.”
Making a difference
You fed the homeless on Christmas and loved the altruistic high so much you’ve vowed to make this the year you make the world a better place. But can your shoulders handle the weight? Instead, pick a charity or cause and volunteer three hours of your time a month.
“Find at least one cause and choose an amount of money or time that works for you,” Robbins says. Then, commit.
Whether it’s one day a month at a food bank or $5 a week to a homeless person, make specific promises to give. Also, remember your biggest source is a skill you can share with others. Are you an accountant or a writer? Do you have access to teachers?
“We all have talents and we don’t realize how valuable they can be to other people,” Robbins says. Realizing that can be the greatest resolution of all.
