The day Hollister told the truth

Whom do you regularly lie to? A few years ago a national survey
asked that question and recorded the results in a book titled
”
The Day America Told The Truth.
”
Whom do you regularly lie to? A few years ago a national survey asked that question and recorded the results in a book titled “The Day America Told The Truth.”

The results may surprise you: 86 percent of the people polled admitted to lying regularly to their parents, 75 percent to friends, 61 percent to their boss, 73 percent to brothers and sisters, 59 percent to their children and 69 percent admitted to lying regularly to their mates.

I wonder what the statistics would have looked like if the book was “The Day Hollister Told The Truth.”

Shakespeare tells us where liars end up: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” And as many of us have learned the hard way, those webs tend to catch us in our lies.

Honesty is a key building block in healthy relationships; here is how God says you can incorporate it into your life:

First, tell the truth consistently. In the survey I mentioned earlier, people said the No. 1 characteristic they were looking for in a relationship was honesty. Far too many people are pretending to be what they are not.

How many of these common lies have you heard: “The check’s in the mail…” “Give me your number and I will call you right back…” “Your table will be ready in five minutes…” “This offer is limited to the first hundred callers…” “One size fits all…”

In contrast, Proverbs 12:19 tells us, “Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.”

God says we should tell the truth consistently, then secondly, we should tell the truth completely. We often use what we call “white lies,” but Proverbs 28:23 says, “In the end people appreciate frankness more than flattery.” When you are frank up front, there may be difficulty or pain, but it works out much better in end. Avoidance only makes problems worse.

On the other hand, realize that being frank does not mean being brutal, which brings us to the third key: we must tell the truth lovingly. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to, “Speak the truth in a spirit of love.” Never use the truth as a club.

Let’s make practical application: Think of a person you would like to see change in some way. Now let me tell you two facts about bringing about change in that person: First, people will be changed quicker and more easily when the truth is wrapped in love, and second, truth delivered without love will be resisted; it will be seen as an attack.

Most marriages get in trouble because we tend to relate to each other as adversaries, as attacker and defender. See if you can identify with this conversation:

Jill: “Are you ever going to fix that dripping faucet in the bathroom?”

Jack: “I will if you ever quit nagging me about it. You’ve already forgot what you made me do yesterday.”

Jill: “Made you do? You volunteered to take Mom home after dinner. Now you say I made you?”

Jack: “I could tell you were pressuring me. You always expect me to do more than I can handle.”

Jill: “Expecting too much? You’ve got a lot of nerve! Look at all I take care of around the house…”

Jack: “And what do I do all day? I work like a dog so you can stay home and not have to work.”

Jill: “Not work! Excuse me?!?”

Let’s stop that conversation here (this is a G-rated newspaper); I think you get the drift. The original issue was forgotten as the couple fell into the adversarial relationship of attacker and defender. Does this ever happen around your house?

Be honest in your relationships; tell the truth consistently, completely and lovingly. And add one more thing to your truthfulness: tact. I once heard tact defined as making a point without making an enemy. I like that definition.

Sometimes it will be necessary to share things that others don’t want hear, and it is critical we share them tactfully. Proverbs 12:18 says, “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.”

When you speak, you have a choice. You can either hurt or heal. Choose healing. Use the truth to build others up, not tear them down.