SBC residents hope to be the first gay couple legally married in
the county
After 25 years together, one local San Benito County couple has
decided to tie the knot
– but unlike other couples the option has just now opened up for
them. Mike Dunn and Rodger Thornberry hope to become the first gay
couple to legally marry in SBC.
”
I remember a long time ago thinking it would never happen in our
lifetime,
”
Dunn said.
SBC residents hope to be the first gay couple legally married in the county
After 25 years together, one local San Benito County couple has decided to tie the knot – but unlike other couples the option has just now opened up for them. Mike Dunn and Rodger Thornberry hope to become the first gay couple to legally marry in SBC.
“I remember a long time ago thinking it would never happen in our lifetime,” Dunn said.
A ruling from the Supreme Court of California on May 16 overturned the ban on gay marriage. June 17 is the first day gay couples will be legally allowed to apply for a marriage application statewide.
Dunn and Thornberry will apply for marriage license on June 17, or whenever county staff are prepared to meet their request. They are currently searching for a minister or judge who is willing to marry them.
The two registered as domestic partners several years ago, Dunn said. They did not have a commitment ceremony.
“What’s the point if you’re going to create the little faux ceremony with the faux piece of paper that says you’re committed,” Thornberry said. “We’re already committed.”
They did not see the point of holding a ceremony that was not legally binding, Dunn said.
“Being married will make things so much easier,” Dunn said. “It’s not going to change anything with us the way they are now, but it will make things easier from a legal standpoint.”
A domestic partnership does not carry the full weight of a legal marriage, he said.
With a domestic partnership, family members can object to the will, Thornberry said.
“Money brings out the worst in people,” Thornberry said. “We just want to make sure we take care of each other.”
It will also help with pensions and social security, Thornberry said.
“One of the reasons for doing this is also just to kind of, kind of profess our love too,” Dunn said. “It isn’t just the legal thing. It is more of a public commitment- a public statement of love.”
Their friends have been very supportive of their decision to marry, Dunn said.
“We’ve told a lot of people already,” Dunn said. “Everyone we’ve told has wanted to come to the reception.”
A couple they have known for over a decade offered to hold the reception at their house, Dunn said.
“Definitely, there’s going to be a reception of some sort,” Dunn said. “We have some friends that are intent on throwing us a reception, if we were not going to do it ourselves.”
Thornberry does not agree with the argument that gay marriage degrades straight marriage.
“People who feel insecure about how gay marriage affects their relationship must not feel very secure,” Thornberry said.
After they are married, the only thing about their relationship that will change is that everyone will know about their relationship, Thornberry said.
Also, Thornberry might hyphenate his name.
“It’s a lot of paperwork to change it,” Dunn said. “Insurance, driver’s license, bank card.”
The two live in a large suburban-style home near Spring Grove Elementary School that overlooks mountains and a small farm.
Their home is airy and tastefully dramatic, with thick curtains and a Victorian couch.
Dunn is a San Benito County native with blonde hair and a mustache. In a white collared shirt and black-rimmed glasses, he could easily be mistaken for a San Franciscan or Berkeley native.
He graduated from San Benito High School.
“My parents still live around here,” Dunn said, “About a mile away. My summer jobs were at Casa de Fruta, when they had the hamburger stand there.”
They prefer to spend time with each other or attend family functions.
“We’re more family-oriented than we ever have been,” Thornberry said. “We don’t lack for gay companionship because we have each other, and we’re okay with that.”
Thornberry grew up in the Central Valley, around Visalia.
His hair is gray and balding. In jeans and a white shirt, Thornberry looks like many Hollister residents.
The two met in San Jose.
“Once I moved away, I didn’t think I’d ever come back,” Dunn said. “But, he talked me into it.”
Dunn and Thornberry came to San Benito for family functions.
“I just fell in love with the peacefulness of all this,” Thornberry said. “There’s a lot to like about Hollister. People here have been very friendly and good to us.”
Their families accept their relationship, Thornberry said.
Thornberry works in technical support at Comcast. He is open about his relationship with coworkers. They felt comfortable attending the office holiday party as a couple.
“He works at a company that is kind of nice and open – liberal,” Dunn said. “So it was the one place at a function like that where we could be ourselves.”
Dunn works for the city of San Jose managing field crews in the public works department. He does not talk about his partner at work.
Dunn worked as part of a field crew until recently.
Most of his coworkers were men. He said he did not want them to feel uncomfortable because they were working with a gay man.
“I’d like to get to the point that nobody cares, as long as you’re loving and committed,” Thornberry said.
Dunn agreed.
“Instead of San Francisco being the only place where you can be out in public and hold hands,” Dunn said. “That’s the only place that we’re really chummy. Even at family gatherings, we don’t hold hands.”
With legal gay marriage, they agree that it is time for a change.
“Time to put it out there, kind of,” Dunn said.
Thornberry agreed.
“Time to feel comfortable in your own skin,” Thornberry said.
A measure that qualified for the November ballot would overturn the court’s recent decision. It would outlaw gay marriage through an amendment in the California constitution.
Dunn and Thornberry want to make their marriage public to help people get used to gay marriage, Dunn said.
“The more people get used to it and see it around them, the less chance of the constitutional measure passing,” Dunn said.
Dun was surprised when the gay marriage ban was overturned. He did not think people’s attitudes would change this much, Dunn said.
In 2000, voters passed an initiative that defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman.
“I just wasn’t too impressed,” Dunn said.
Peoples’ attitudes in the county have changed since he was young, Dunn said.
“Not so much on the marriage thing,” Dunn said. “That word has a lot of connotations for people.”
People are more willing to live and let live, Dunn said.
Gay people are more visible now, socially and in pop culture, than they were 20 years ago, Dunn said.
“We go out to eat a lot,” Dunn said. “I think way back when, people more or less would patronize the establishments that they knew were owned by gay people. Now, it doesn’t make that much of a difference.”
His experience with hotels is similar.
“I have no problem going into a hotel and asking for one king bed instead of two doubles,” Dunn said. “Maybe 20 years ago I would have been more shy about it.”
Their friends in Hollister are straight couples.
“We hang out with regular people in Hollister, but we’ve never made any bones about us not being a couple,” Dunn said. “Maybe a while ago we might have.”
Dunn and Thornberry met in 1983.
“I was at a bar and this older man was trying to pick me up,” Dunn said. “Rodger saw that he was bothering me and said to leave his boyfriend alone.”
It was not an unusual way to meet, Thornberry said.
“That was way before the Internet,” Thornberry said. “People couldn’t meet online, so they mostly met at a bar.”
A few weeks after they met, they were seeing each other exclusively. Three or four months later, Dunn moved into Thornberry’s apartment.
They have been together ever since.
“We just kind of clicked right away,” Thornberry said. “We had a lot of similarities in lives.”
Thornberry was Dunn’s first and only serious relationship.
“I had only started going to the bars three or four months before I met him,” Dunn said. “The last woman kind of pushed me over the edge.”
Dunn did not tell his family that he was gay until he moved in with Thornberry.
“I just figured I’d be married [to a woman] by the time I hit thirty,” Dunn said. “Then I hit 30 and realized I was never going to be married.”
When Dunn turned 30, he realized he was gay.
“And now we can be married,” Thornberry said.
Thornberry admitted to himself that he was gay long before Dunn.
Legalized gay marriage helps them feel less ostracized from the rest of society, Thornberry said.
“It’s just a basic human desire to be a part of,” Thornberry said. “To be a part of the society that you live in.”
Thornberry does not think the anti-gay marriage initiative will pass.
“I don’t think they have enough votes,” Thornberry said.
Dunn agreed.
“That’s why I’m so happy that [Barack] Obama won the nomination,” Dunn said. “That’ll get the kids out to vote. That’s what we need.”
The legal future of their upcoming marriage is uncertain.
“Regardless of what happens, it won’t change how we feel about each other,” Thornberry said.
A history wrapped in controversy
1999: Gov. Gray Davis signs a bill that allows gay couples to register as domestic partners
2000: Voters pass Proposition 22, the Knight Initiative, which defines a marriage as a union between a woman and a man
Feb. 12, 2004: San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom authorizes city officials to marry gay couples
Feb. 13, 2004: Gay marriage opponents and groups file to stop the city officials from issuing marriage licenses to gay couples
March 2004: California Supreme Court orders San Francisco officials to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples
August 2004: California Supreme Court rules that the San Francisco marriages are invalid
September 2005: State Legislature passes a bill that legalizes gay marriage. Citing Prop. 22, Gov. Schwarzenegger vetoes the bill
2006: The California Supreme Court agrees to rule on gay marriage
September 2007: State Legislature passes another bill that legalizes gay marriage
October 2007: Gov. Schwarzenegger vetoes the bill, citing Proposition 22
May 2008: California Supreme Court overturns the ban on gay marriage
November 2008: California residents will vote on a measure that would discriminate against gays and ban gay marriage through a constitutional amendment
