The name’s Bond
– James Bond
There are some movies you shouldn’t sit around and wait for home
viewing. The James Bond movies, especially
”
Casino Royale
”
with Daniel Craig, will make you forget all other
”
Bonds.
”
Luckily here in Hollywood it is playing at the world famous
Grauman’s Chinese Theater on their giant wide screen and not in TDL
sound. TDL sound is too damn loud sound that most small town
communities have. Small town owners think that because they paid a
fortune to put in surround sound stereo then they are going to get
their money’s worth by pumping the sound so loud your ears start
bleeding. Is that hot sauce on your nachos?
The name’s Bond – James Bond
There are some movies you shouldn’t sit around and wait for home viewing. The James Bond movies, especially “Casino Royale” with Daniel Craig, will make you forget all other “Bonds.” Luckily here in Hollywood it is playing at the world famous Grauman’s Chinese Theater on their giant wide screen and not in TDL sound. TDL sound is too damn loud sound that most small town communities have. Small town owners think that because they paid a fortune to put in surround sound stereo then they are going to get their money’s worth by pumping the sound so loud your ears start bleeding. Is that hot sauce on your nachos?
I have seen several James Bonds in person but none more regal than Sean Connery as he exited the men’s room at the Golden Gate Theater when we were living in San Francisco. No one said a word. No one approached him. He made eye contact and with a slight nod acknowledged his adoring fans.
Roger Moore, on the other hand, was just the opposite. We heard that they were shooting a scene for the worst James Bond film ever, “A View to a Kill,” at San Francisco City Hall. By the time we got there everything was locked up so my son, David, and I started to walk down the city hall steps when someone behind us asked, “Can I help you?”
It was Roger Moore. My son was speechless as Moore was the first Bond he had ever seen in a theater and now in person. Moore was a delight as he told us how the shoot was going as though we were old friends. “A View to a Kill,” like most James Bonds, was way too long but this had the added deathly ingredient, an actress who couldn’t act. Like Bond I’m too much of a gentleman to mention her name, so I’ll just spell it out. T-A-N-Y-A R-O-B-E-R-T-S.
Most mornings I get up around 4 and have a little Colombian and a cup of coffee too. Around 4:22 the LA Times hits the wino out on the stoop nearly rendering him unconscious. Fifteen minutes later the LA Daily News finishes the job. On Sundays a 911 call is needed. Winos are resilient souls. Don’t ask me how I know.
This morning I was upset because a news story said the first actor to portray James Bond was Sean Connery. Not so. It was the television version of “Casino Royale” where a gifted B actor, Barry Nelson, played Bond as an American yet.
Hillary Clinton had the best Thanksgiving ever. Thankful that Arnold Schwarzenneger cannot run against her for president because he is an immigrant and Bill has been neutered.
O.J. Simpson kills me, luckily not like the others. Just when I told Nancy I have the easiest writing job ever O.J. comes up with “If I Did It.” Now how hard can that be for him to write?
I always give to “Toys for Tots” as their motto is “To help needy children throughout the United States experience the joy of Christmas.” So weren’t they lucky when a toy company gave them 4,000 expensive talking Jesus dolls? What? Toys for Tots rejected the free gifts as too controversial? Christ too controversial at Christmas?
Bulletin! Toys for Tots, like Wal Mart, has seen the light. They will distribute talking Jesus dolls and Wal Mart this year will allow its employees to greet customers with a Merry Christmas. Last year they could not use the word “Christmas” in their greeting, despite if it wasn’t for Christ their annual profits would look more like a Hollister City Council audit. Aye chee waa waa.
And no, I haven’t been born again. But even us atheists must be held to a higher standard than those we don’t believe in. Huh?
Things that bother me since moving to Hollywood: why is it that there are a lot of movie actresses but few stars, yet every slut in a porno is a porn star?
Last week I mentioned Paris Hilton’s homemade porno but now comes something even more visually disgusting. “Screech” from “Saved By the Bell” has made one and now showing in the “adult” section of your favorite family video store. I have always hated the way the porn industry has ruined a good word like “adult.” But even more obscene are the small communities that wouldn’t let some smut peddler open up an adults-only video store but will let that person do exactly the same merely by adding Disney and mainstream films.
I mentioned seeing Sean Connery as he was exiting the gents’ room but not the case with George Takei of Star Trek’s Capt. Sulu fame. Takei is in the news here for starring in yet another reincarnation of Star Trek. My son and I were at the Cinerama Dome watching a film and afterwards deposited our gallon-o-rama Coke. Leaving a urinal between us as is the gentlemanly thing to do was of little help as here comes Capt. Sulu. Trekkies will be happy to know that George Takei is a gifted person in more ways than one. Aye chee waa waa!
Bob Valenzuela wrote a political column and entertainment column for The Pinnacle and owned and operated a video store in Hollister for many years. He now lives in Hollywood. And the rest is history.
