My older brother Kory is getting married in 40 days and 21
hours. And I’m going through my first mid-life crisis.
My older brother Kory is getting married in 40 days and 21 hours. I’ve had a post-college job for four months and 18 days. I’m 2,250 miles from my nearest relative. I’m 23 years, one month and 16 days old. And I’m going through my first mid-life crisis.
OK, that’s a bit drastic.
Truthfully: I’m happy about their marriage. The Free Lance (and Hollister) is great. My mom and dad can’t make me clean the house gutters from Wisconsin. And 23 ain’t so bad.
But I feel older than I did last year, as everyone does, and the whole marriage thing is a glaring reminder. Well, that and the fact that Mom doesn’t give me lunch money anymore. And the fact that I only sometimes act like an 8-year-old. And the fact that I can no longer eat frozen pizza as an afternoon snack without looking the lifestyle.
So why is my brother’s marriage such a big deal? Well, he’s the first “Kosmicki boy” to tie the knot. And we’ve always been the rowdiest trio of brothers west of the Milwaukee River. So marriages never seemed so feasible until now.
Kory was always that guy whose outlandish antics at other weddings gave every guest at the reception plenty of memorable moments to take home.
I never usually heard about the incidences from him, either. I’d hear from his friends who were at these weddings, oftentimes years later:
“I still remember at Jon’s wedding when your brother…”
Holidays are a whole different issue. As one of thousands of examples, I remember two years ago at the “kids table” on Christmas when Kory threw a turkey sandwich at my head. It was for no reason, other than laughs. And he got plenty of them, even though I ducked and he missed.
Kyle, the middle brother, he just liked to chase me around and beat me up. Not too often, fortunately, and it rarely went beyond a push to the ground.
He was so much bigger! It just wasn’t fair! Aunts and uncles always told both of them, “One day, he’s going to be bigger than you guys.”
And they were right. Hah! I grew past them both when I was about 17 and haven’t looked back.
And me, my priorities in school were as follows: goof off, sports, lunch, recess, after-school binge eating, some homework.
I worked hard for the distinction of class clown for 12 years and somehow only went to the principal’s office twice. Boy, I really duped them.
So now my brother’s getting married, which I’m anxiously awaiting because they’ll make a wonderful married couple.
OK, so I’m not experiencing any kind of crisis after all.
Even though he’ll be married. Even though I’m already an uncle. Even though I occasionally drink wine and act somewhat proper. Even though I no longer beg for G.I. Joes at the store. And even though Kyle can’t beat me up anymore…
It doesn’t mean I can’t act like an 8-year-old sometimes.
