These awards really SAG
The SAG Awards take on a whole different meaning here in my room
at the Hollywood Home for the Homely. Most of my old women friends
in the home wear bra sizes 42 extra long.
These awards really SAG
The SAG Awards take on a whole different meaning here in my room at the Hollywood Home for the Homely. Most of my old women friends in the home wear bra sizes 42 extra long.
But SAG (Screen Actors Guild) was the first film award show that did exactly what I feared. All of the major awards – and I mean all from Best Picture Acting Ensemble, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress and Best Supporting Actor – all went to the years most depressing and bloody films. I was so depressed I didn’t have the strength to put on my Depends and to make matters worse Mabel in the next room decided to burn her bra. What a knee slapper. Aye chee waa waa.
Loved that front page headline over San Benito County Supervisor Reb Monaco’s mug. “Pinnacle National Monument Turns 100.” Now I know Reb is a national monument but he doesn’t look a day over 90.
My good friend Gary Cherry of Hollister can walk on water and I have seen him change wine into water but a few weeks ago with 25 guests in his living room he had trouble with the loaves of bread and fish miracle. He noticed Carole, yes that Carole Cherry, was having such a good time he told her to forget about cooking. Gary called Las Palmas Restaurant in downtown Hollister and asked if they could cook up 44 of their famous enchiladas with enough rice and beans for 25. Faster than Speedy Gonzalez could say “Andale, andale!” the 25 friends and family were happier than Mr. and Mrs. Pancho Villa on the Cinco de Mayo. What did this great dinner cost? Gary got his third miracle: $178. Do you know what we have paid for a Mexican dinner here in Hollywood just for four? Forty-four of the best enchiladas, beans, rice and 25 happy diners. “Hello Las Palmas! Do you deliver?” Corner of Hollywood and Highland in Hollywood. Aye chee waa waa!
Why is that life-size bronze statue of John Wayne on a horse in front of Hustler’s porn corporate offices here in Hollywood? Every time I drive by the juxtaposition makes me smile. The answer next week, pilgrims.
Glad to see that more and more Democrats are finding out just what sleazeballs the Clintons really are. You can disagree with Obama’s political views but why do these morally bereft Clintons have to try and destroy the man whose only sin is to believe that America can once again be a nation of hope?
What? There was a rain delay at last night’s sporting event in downtown Lost Angeles. They only delay baseball and believe me this isn’t Barry Bonds baring his butt season. The only game in town was basketball. Rain delay for basketball inside the Staple Center? Drops falling right over the basket delayed the game for a half hour. Seems the workmen sopping up rain left wet towels on the rafters. The Lakers should have thrown in the towel. They lost.
Speaking of basketball I remember my glory days on the court playing basketball when I was the high point scorer. I was co-captain with George Ozuna at Sacred Heart when we beat San Juan Bautista. True story: I was high point man with 8, count ’em, 8, points. I didn’t like basketball as much as football but then in Hollister in 1953 I was considered tall in grammar school at 5-foot-11. Now I am down to 5-7 and stare directly at 42 extra long breasts. Aye chee waa waa.
Great movie showing on cable channels. “Decent,” one of the throwback films like I loved as a kid a la “Creature From the African-American Lagoon.” “Decent” is about a half dozen women exploring caves that are inhabited by A.) Pollo Loco, B.) Hillary Clinton, C.) Monsters or D.) All of the above.
Had a nervous twitch all day last Sunday as no football game the week before Super Bowl Sunday. Why doesn’t the NFL make that weekend the Stupor Bowl with the two worst teams vying for last place with the winner getting to spend a week in Oakland and the loser having to spend two weeks in Oakland?
One film award show that wasn’t cancelled was the AVN (Adult Video News), the “Oscars” of porn. The writers strike somehow didn’t affect their script. “Who is it?” “The pizza boy.” “Who is it?” “The cable man.” “Who is it?” “The pool man.” And don’t ask what their “Oscar” is shaped like. Also, one difference between the porn awards and the Academy Awards is there is no category for “best costume.” Aye chee waa waa.
