To secure my financial future I’m trying to buy the exclusive
promotional rights to the story of the proposed Ground Zero mosque
and burning of the Koran.
To secure my financial future I’m trying to buy the exclusive promotional rights to the story of the proposed Ground Zero mosque and burning of the Koran. If I lock up the deal, I’ll have to decide if I want to do a major motion picture, a five-part miniseries or go directly to 3D DVD. Right now, it will probably do best as a long-running soap opera, which also means I’ll have a chance to clean up on residual rerun payments for years.
I’ll give you the outline of the story and main characters and you can plug in your favorite actors; post your recommendations and that will help me decide who should be cast in each role. Modern technology even allows you to include those have passed on – we’ll just insert the images digitally. Real people are so old fashioned anyway; cartoon characters or avatars may work even better in this saga.
The story kicks off with the proposal by a Shadowy Imam to build a mosque near Ground Zero. The Shadowy Imam is a friend of America – or not – depending on whose opinion you value. He obtains some propaganda funding from the U.S. government, probably CIA money, but the source of the millions for the mosque is unclear. Some say it’s a Secret Middle Eastern Financier or government; anyone can play that role because their face will always be in the dark.
The mosque plan offends the sensibilities of some, but others like the Multi-Billionaire Big-City Jewish Mayor, political liberals, and the unpopular, but Cool, President point out that constitutional rights trump sensibilities every time. The mere questioning of the mosque plan agitates the Seething Muslim Crowds overseas egged on by Sinister Forces and the press, perhaps a Crusading Reporter, looking for a good story. We end part one with the tension building.
Part two opens with the arrival of the Charismatic, Gun-toting, Fire-breathing Fundamentalist Preacher from some small congregation south of the Mason-Dixon Line. In protest of the 9/11 attacks and the plan to build a mosque near Ground Zero the Preacher says he will burn the Muslin holy book, the Koran, on the anniversary of the event. The Preacher has a strange effect on most people; almost everyone immediately changes sides except the seething Muslim Crowds who scream, “We told you so” and burn American flags, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens we deserve it.
With the notable exception of the Big-City Jewish Mayor, those who originally said that the constitution trumps sensibilities started saying the opposite. Those who said that sensibilities are so important started promoting absolute constitutional rights. New characters now appear. First, there is the respected General concerned about the safety of his troops, then there is the Brash Billionaire with a bad haircut who wants to buy out the Imam to defuse the issue and finally there is the prospective presidential candidate, the Female Secretary of State who is married to the disgraced, but loved, Ex-President.
For the most part, the new characters all jump the Gun-toting, Fire-breathing Fundamentalist Preacher for being “intolerant” and he changes his mind and decides not to burn the Koran now that he is famous. However, other (undefined characters) attack the Koran, although they are generally ignored by the Crusading Reporter because they are not Gun-toting, Fire-breathing Fundamentalist Preachers, just some ordinary folks.
I have to be careful here, because the audience may get confused, that can happen when everyone is changing sides so rapidly. I may have to exercise some artistic license during final script edit and indicate that these people are all taking principled positions and not merely political opportunities. After all, I can do what I want, this is all fiction; no one would believe it was real anyway.
Marty Richman is a Hollister resident.
